"We're truly well matched. You and I, but also myself and the Decepticon ethos, in many ways. I know you are not formally a part of that any longer, but the ideas seem to have begun largely with you. I hear you in them, and not just because you're the one explaining most of them to me."
It doesn't occur to her that that slow-blink is feline body language, but the softness and affection of it registers, and she leans to kiss the bridge of his nose. "Does the Auto...whatever...belief system suit you so ill? Perhaps there are elements of it that you may take to heart, and discard the ones that mean less to you."
"If you take what you wish, ideas are available for the taking, as well." There's humor in her smile.
She looks thoughtful, then. "I could have the children draw pictures to share with other Nexus residents, to explain the story a little better. Coming from me, it's more easily accepted as a spooky prank than a serious message."
"It doesn't matter so much how people will interpret the Wild Hunt, though. It is what it is. It's the march of the Dead, and those that join in willingly had best be prepared to honor the spirits of that accompany it. But it isn't solely about death, either. There is an element of mysticism inherent in it. Óðr is the word we used to describe religious frenzy, divine ecstasy, or artistic inspiration."
"I don't know if you have that same concept in your culture. The Fire in the Head."
Megatron grins when she kisses his nose, and then kisses her, but lightly.
"I joined the Autobots in a moment of crisis, because I couldn't think of a better way to express the pain I was in over the death of someone I initially disliked and came to consider a friend, and the pain I was in over what I knew people had done in my name and my cause," he admits.
"It was in no way a philosophical decision, and I am also unsure that my feelings for Orion had nothing to do with it. I don't know if I regret it or not. It ended the war, but I completely betrayed my people. My ideals have not really changed much at all. I had come to believe that the Autobots had adopted some of our ideals and were living them better than we were. I don't think that's true anymore. I think that they were influenced by our ideals, because Orion was once a Decepticon, but Orion became a Prime. I thought I'd done the right thing for a very long time. But Ravage came to live with me and was treated badly, and Minimus has spent his entire life hiding something that no one should ever have to hide, and he is the most devoted Autobot I know, and the better I come to know him, the more unimpressed with their Code I become."
He considers the procession and the Hunt. "I don't know if we have that concept, or not, either. But I wonder. I do have fire in my head, sometimes, and it might not cause me so much trouble if I knew what to do with it. And I'm not just talking about mania. It's related to the mania. If I can't figure out what the fire in my head is telling me what to do, it builds up and becomes the mania. But sometimes, I've come out of the fire, and done things that had to be done, with a certainty that I couldn't explain. We are a materialistic culture, with the exception of the Camiens and a few other lost colonies, in which priesthood and spirituality and anything that could rightly be called magical is the provenance of the elites and is used for their benefit alone. I used to think magic and religion were only tools to manipulate people--like Soundwave does. I'm not so sure any more."
He grins at her. "I think if I learned to do magic, there is no telling what we would be able to do, together. As for the procession. It depends. If you just want it to be fun for the children, that's fine. If you want to share the story and the ideals with other people, that's fine, too. But the Decepticons would want to know why you were knocking on their doors to prank them, and some of them might join in, if we told them."
"It sounds to me," she says thoughtfully, "like you have outgrown both of these codes, in much the same way that I have outgrown being Asgardian and being Jotun. There is more to be learned from both Asgard and Jotunheim, but neither realm can truly claim me any longer. I will always protect the people of Asgard, as long as I live, but I am not truly of them."
"The way you moved on from the Decepticons may have been impulsive or ill-considered," she adds gently. "But maybe it was right for you, even if it hurt others. That is a question only you can answer, I expect, but I'll always listen if you want to talk about it."
"As far as the Autobots, though, any place where a person must perpetually hide their true self is not a good place." So says Loki.
She strokes his face and cups her hand under his chin. "You are a poet. That Fire is your birthright. It belongs to anyone who dares to reach out and claim it, though sometimes the journey to reach it can be perilous."
"Magic and spirituality are the same as education. Keep them to the elites and they become tools of brutality, to suppress the masses. Share them with all and do not gate-keep, and they are the greatest of equalizers."
"I've offered to show Runes to Ben. I will do that, and more, for you, if you ask for it, but know that if it works for you, you will be a terrifying force with that power. Your spirit is a fire in your chest. Anything might be possible."
"I had meant to introduce the children to the Decepticons anyway. Perhaps the excuse of explaining the Mari Lwyd is the ideal reason to do so."
"I think you're right on all counts, dulscintara." Megatron kisses her. "And I think that if I claim the fire...I can use it, instead of allowing it to use me. I want to learn everything. And I think I was wrong to leave magic to the Council, and to people like Orion."
He blinks at her again.
"Besides, if I am to be a fit mate to you, I cannot fear my power or yours. I am not afraid of dangerous journeys. I've seen already what comes of resisting them: madness. I may always need circuit stabilisers to alleviate what they did to me when I was probably not old enough to be considered an adult in your culture, even though I had a lover and work and had written dangerous words. But they were afraid of me, and they made me afraid of myself, and I still hurt everyone anyway. I might be able to heal myself, and others, and undo some of the damage I did. A healer was what I wanted to be when I was that angry young mech."
He smiles.
"Yes, take the children to meet the Decepticons. Only know that one of them hates me, and justifiably so, and he's the one with a child of his own, more's the pity. We have an anti-violence field, so I'm not afraid he will kill me. He's Ravage's brother, a white cat, small the way Ravage was small when I named him parvilla. Please don't be angry with him if he does not wish to speak with me. I will say nothing to anger him unless he decides to try and enforce his differences with me upon our-- upon our family, your children and his son."
"It's a little of both," she says. "With that kind of power. Using and...well, being used by it makes it sound coercive, and that's not quite right. Moving through it, and allowing it to move through you, perhaps. There is a kind of pleasure to it, almost akin to the emotional exultation involved in sex, but without the sensual component. It's hard to explain in words, but I think you understand me?"
She smiles. "There is a human song with a lyric I rather like: don't ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash. It is applicable. It's important that a wild creature know what they are capable of, for good and for ill. What you choose to do with the power you have makes you who you are. I do not always have full control, but I'm trying. And so are you."
Tucking herself against his shoulder again, she adds, "I'm not angry with the people who hate me for what I've done. I won't be angry at him on your behalf. I accept who you are and what you have done without condition, but I don't require other people to do the same. They have freedom of thought."
"And I urge you to keep the same in mind, should you meet enemies of mine in the Nexus. The ones with the best reasons for mistrusting me are dead--not by my hand--but I never blamed them for hating me."
"As long as my children are treated with kindness, I will have no complaints."
Megatron listens when she talks about magic, but he doesn't know enough to have much to add of his own.
"My only concern with regard to Glit is that he doesn't come between your children and his, if they want to be friends."
Megatron hugs her close. "I won't be angry with people who are angry with you because of something you did. But you are mine, and I will defend you if you are attacked with intent to do bodily harm, because I need you whole and alive as much as they believe they need you otherwise. Does that sound fair?"
"I hope that he will not. It may be more complicated than it should be, but we will see how things work out if and when they all meet."
She kisses his cheek lazily and stretches, not unlike a cat herself. This place is more comfortable with a person to snuggle against. Sometimes Loki forgets she actually likes company.
"That is fair. I think it's unlikely to come up here, with the antiviolence field active. There are potential conflicts, constantly, but bodily harm seems to be a rare event. There is something else I ought to mention. It may never be an issue at all, but two Winters ago, there were some peculiar goings-on. Ben has probably told you about the Eliksni. They are at peace with me and mine, but I have reason to believe there is a secretive goddess that was somehow involved. One who uses crows as her eyes and ears. I do not know her name, nor am I clear on what her motivations were or are, but should you see talking crows and fall into conversation with them, be wary and assume there is someone who will hear whatever you say later on."
"I don't think she is my enemy, to be clear. Only that there are parallels between us and that could eventually result in conflict."
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no subject
It doesn't occur to her that that slow-blink is feline body language, but the softness and affection of it registers, and she leans to kiss the bridge of his nose. "Does the Auto...whatever...belief system suit you so ill? Perhaps there are elements of it that you may take to heart, and discard the ones that mean less to you."
"If you take what you wish, ideas are available for the taking, as well." There's humor in her smile.
She looks thoughtful, then. "I could have the children draw pictures to share with other Nexus residents, to explain the story a little better. Coming from me, it's more easily accepted as a spooky prank than a serious message."
"It doesn't matter so much how people will interpret the Wild Hunt, though. It is what it is. It's the march of the Dead, and those that join in willingly had best be prepared to honor the spirits of that accompany it. But it isn't solely about death, either. There is an element of mysticism inherent in it. Óðr is the word we used to describe religious frenzy, divine ecstasy, or artistic inspiration."
"I don't know if you have that same concept in your culture. The Fire in the Head."
no subject
"I joined the Autobots in a moment of crisis, because I couldn't think of a better way to express the pain I was in over the death of someone I initially disliked and came to consider a friend, and the pain I was in over what I knew people had done in my name and my cause," he admits.
"It was in no way a philosophical decision, and I am also unsure that my feelings for Orion had nothing to do with it. I don't know if I regret it or not. It ended the war, but I completely betrayed my people. My ideals have not really changed much at all. I had come to believe that the Autobots had adopted some of our ideals and were living them better than we were. I don't think that's true anymore. I think that they were influenced by our ideals, because Orion was once a Decepticon, but Orion became a Prime. I thought I'd done the right thing for a very long time. But Ravage came to live with me and was treated badly, and Minimus has spent his entire life hiding something that no one should ever have to hide, and he is the most devoted Autobot I know, and the better I come to know him, the more unimpressed with their Code I become."
He considers the procession and the Hunt. "I don't know if we have that concept, or not, either. But I wonder. I do have fire in my head, sometimes, and it might not cause me so much trouble if I knew what to do with it. And I'm not just talking about mania. It's related to the mania. If I can't figure out what the fire in my head is telling me what to do, it builds up and becomes the mania. But sometimes, I've come out of the fire, and done things that had to be done, with a certainty that I couldn't explain. We are a materialistic culture, with the exception of the Camiens and a few other lost colonies, in which priesthood and spirituality and anything that could rightly be called magical is the provenance of the elites and is used for their benefit alone. I used to think magic and religion were only tools to manipulate people--like Soundwave does. I'm not so sure any more."
He grins at her. "I think if I learned to do magic, there is no telling what we would be able to do, together. As for the procession. It depends. If you just want it to be fun for the children, that's fine. If you want to share the story and the ideals with other people, that's fine, too. But the Decepticons would want to know why you were knocking on their doors to prank them, and some of them might join in, if we told them."
no subject
"The way you moved on from the Decepticons may have been impulsive or ill-considered," she adds gently. "But maybe it was right for you, even if it hurt others. That is a question only you can answer, I expect, but I'll always listen if you want to talk about it."
"As far as the Autobots, though, any place where a person must perpetually hide their true self is not a good place." So says Loki.
She strokes his face and cups her hand under his chin. "You are a poet. That Fire is your birthright. It belongs to anyone who dares to reach out and claim it, though sometimes the journey to reach it can be perilous."
"Magic and spirituality are the same as education. Keep them to the elites and they become tools of brutality, to suppress the masses. Share them with all and do not gate-keep, and they are the greatest of equalizers."
"I've offered to show Runes to Ben. I will do that, and more, for you, if you ask for it, but know that if it works for you, you will be a terrifying force with that power. Your spirit is a fire in your chest. Anything might be possible."
"I had meant to introduce the children to the Decepticons anyway. Perhaps the excuse of explaining the Mari Lwyd is the ideal reason to do so."
no subject
He blinks at her again.
"Besides, if I am to be a fit mate to you, I cannot fear my power or yours. I am not afraid of dangerous journeys. I've seen already what comes of resisting them: madness. I may always need circuit stabilisers to alleviate what they did to me when I was probably not old enough to be considered an adult in your culture, even though I had a lover and work and had written dangerous words. But they were afraid of me, and they made me afraid of myself, and I still hurt everyone anyway. I might be able to heal myself, and others, and undo some of the damage I did. A healer was what I wanted to be when I was that angry young mech."
He smiles.
"Yes, take the children to meet the Decepticons. Only know that one of them hates me, and justifiably so, and he's the one with a child of his own, more's the pity. We have an anti-violence field, so I'm not afraid he will kill me. He's Ravage's brother, a white cat, small the way Ravage was small when I named him parvilla. Please don't be angry with him if he does not wish to speak with me. I will say nothing to anger him unless he decides to try and enforce his differences with me upon our-- upon our family, your children and his son."
Oh he did not just almost say that.
no subject
She smiles. "There is a human song with a lyric I rather like: don't ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash. It is applicable. It's important that a wild creature know what they are capable of, for good and for ill. What you choose to do with the power you have makes you who you are. I do not always have full control, but I'm trying. And so are you."
Tucking herself against his shoulder again, she adds, "I'm not angry with the people who hate me for what I've done. I won't be angry at him on your behalf. I accept who you are and what you have done without condition, but I don't require other people to do the same. They have freedom of thought."
"And I urge you to keep the same in mind, should you meet enemies of mine in the Nexus. The ones with the best reasons for mistrusting me are dead--not by my hand--but I never blamed them for hating me."
"As long as my children are treated with kindness, I will have no complaints."
no subject
"My only concern with regard to Glit is that he doesn't come between your children and his, if they want to be friends."
Megatron hugs her close. "I won't be angry with people who are angry with you because of something you did. But you are mine, and I will defend you if you are attacked with intent to do bodily harm, because I need you whole and alive as much as they believe they need you otherwise. Does that sound fair?"
no subject
She kisses his cheek lazily and stretches, not unlike a cat herself. This place is more comfortable with a person to snuggle against. Sometimes Loki forgets she actually likes company.
"That is fair. I think it's unlikely to come up here, with the antiviolence field active. There are potential conflicts, constantly, but bodily harm seems to be a rare event. There is something else I ought to mention. It may never be an issue at all, but two Winters ago, there were some peculiar goings-on. Ben has probably told you about the Eliksni. They are at peace with me and mine, but I have reason to believe there is a secretive goddess that was somehow involved. One who uses crows as her eyes and ears. I do not know her name, nor am I clear on what her motivations were or are, but should you see talking crows and fall into conversation with them, be wary and assume there is someone who will hear whatever you say later on."
"I don't think she is my enemy, to be clear. Only that there are parallels between us and that could eventually result in conflict."