TFLN/Overflow Post: NSFW Edition

[coldsong]

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[coldsong]

((continued from here))

It's extraordinary to see this level of vulnerability in a man so prone to cynicism and arrogance. Loki likes that arrogance, and for the most part it seems justified, but he's not about to discourage the slow thaw of it, either. There's no question that he'll use that knowledge of the man's ticklish spots again, but at the moment it's best to do so judiciously. He doesn't especially want to fall off the couch, and he definitely doesn't want Ian to hurt his leg any worse than it already is.

"Mm, hip bones. Duly noted." He won't try that right now. That could prompt kicking, which would definitely jar the pins in his thigh.

The confession about sex with anger gives him pause, though. Especially since Ian says it so matter-of-factly. It's something that could be brought up sounding like a wry, self-deprecating joke, but it's not, and something sharp inside him jabs at his heart. He should have guessed; he draws and is drawn to the outcast and maligned.

"I have at times enjoyed being on the receiving end of that sort of thing," he says reflectively, hands gentle on the man's body. "To cause mischief and goad someone to the point where their control breaks. Usually only when the game is agreed-upon beforehand, but every now and again I court more trouble than I should."

He shakes his head. "I don't like being on the giving end of roughness or anger, though. I'm several times stronger than a human my size, for one thing. For another, I'd rather keep my own rage out of the bedroom. Where power exchanges are concerned, I'm a very controlled, careful top."

"Which is not what you are talking about, I know, but I thought it bore mentioning. I have more than enough anger to level a city, but I will not bring it to bear on you, certainly not during sex. I value your trust too highly."

Perhaps he'd be less careful if this were a one-night-stand, but they're already way past that point. This is a friendship turning into something else, and Loki wants to keep it.

[malcolmeffect]

The sharing of thoughts with this much openness relaxes Ian. It might not be a topic he'd want to discuss normally but it necessary for intimacy to know about wants and pasts. He made an epic failure of a marriage, though not alone, by limiting openness. Ian reaches up and touches Loki's cheek.

"I.. uh.. spend my life in power struggles. I don't need more of it when I'm wanting to relax and enjoy myself." Ian wasn't sure if he was a top or a bottom, he'd rather not get into those sorts of dynamics though he understood they existed in any relationship. This was another point where his trust in systems played out beyond his research. He was happy enough to give the system a push and see where it went without too much thought.

"I think I trust you." Ian smiled at the statement because it didn't sound like much but from his point of view to trust anyone, even think about trusting anyone with intimacy, was like tossing himself off a cliff. It was uncomfortable because of the past and not what Loki had done. For that reason alone, the statement is accompanied by a gentle touch to the god's cheek and hair in reassurance.

[coldsong]

For all that he is the god of lies, Loki is capable of sincerity. Actually, he's more capable of sincerity than most people give him credit for. And one of a handful of places where he is very careful with his honesty is in an intimate relationship. Few transgressions are truly beyond Loki, or so he claims, but there is one kind of monster he refuses to become.

He seems mildly surprised by the gentle touch to his cheek, and his eyes drift shut at once. There's a flicker in his expression, and his throat bobs as he swallows. It's a vulnerable reaction. "I'd like to be trusted," he says quietly. "I'd like to be understood."

That's a tall order, though, he supposes, and after a moment to reel his own emotions in, he reaches up to put his hand over Ian's, tilting his cheek into his palm.

probably heading nsfw

[coldsong]

[[continued from here]]

That's how you know it wasn't the Grandmaster that did most of it. He puts me in green and gold if he's being charming, blue if he wants to annoy me.

[He returns the smile, playful, though he stays quiet and waits patiently for a reaction to his suggestion he use his Jotun shape. It's a better response than he expected, actually, but either way the counteroffer is pleasing.]

Well, then. Who am I to argue with such a tempting opportunity?

[tr1ckortreat]

That man is a danger to everyone. Especially when he manages to stick sequins onto flesh.

[Loki picked off another sequin, flicking it away with his thumb and forefinger and sighing. Would he be here all night picking this stupid things off? Maybe. Or, perhaps his double would intervene. He was hoping that would happen, since two sets of hands are better than one as they say.]

Exactly. We're both very skilled with our fingers as you know.

[Teasing? Oh very much so. Loki was still irritated with the whole Bedazzle thing and wanted his pale body to be rid of the things. His gaze moved to his other self, offering up a puppy-eyed look.]

[coldsong]

Indeed. Although, it's interesting, how he isolates himself. If his powers are extensive as legend would have it, he could take over more than a single trash planet. Systems, galaxies...but he does not. That's one thing about him I can't fathom.

[Because it's not like the man is benign, and Loki doesn't think he's as lazy as he looks either.

But that's not what they're here to discuss, and he breaks into a grin at the puppy-eyes.]

What a sweet look that is! All right, hold still. [Rising, he comes up behind his double and puts his arms around his waist, tucking his chin over his shoulder and nudging him to turn him toward the nearest full-length mirror. The impact of their identical faces peering back at them is interesting. Loki isn't exactly a narcissist, but there's something reassuring about closeness with his double. He's hated himself for long enough, time to try liking himself.

Using the mirror as a reference, he begins plucking sequins off and flicking them onto the floor, with an occasional nuzzle against the nape of the other Loki's neck for good measure.]

[tr1ckortreat]

[Loki visibly blushed when his counterpart said he looked "sweet." No one ever said that about him so it was certainly different, even hearing it from himself, albeit another version. His skin prickled slightly when the other man began picking sequins from his skin and flicking them onto the floor. The light touch caused a few goose bumps to dot his pale complexion and he shivered slightly.

Was it perhaps the close proximity? Or, the fact that his counterpart was now nuzzling against the nape of his neck? He could not help but let out a soft sigh at the contact and wiggled slightly when he felt long fingers touch his skin.]

Mmm....feels nice.

[Most of the irritation was going away now that his counterpart was aiding him with the removal of the cursed sequins. That, and he was enjoying it. Oh, yes, he could feel his body beginning to warm to the other man's touch. Was he getting aroused perhaps? He couldn't help it.]

[coldsong]

[This is easier. How is this so much easier, to watch the wheels turn in his counterpart's head, to know almost with certainty what he's thinking, because he's been through it before? It's easier to sympathize with just this bit of distance, to give this other version of himself the compassion he so dearly wanted, but would never get--and would likely have rejected, coming from most of the people around him.

Perhaps it's easier for his double to accept kindness from a second Loki, as well?

Existential philosophy doesn't match so well with the intimate foreplay, though, so he pushes that aside to focus on touch. He knows what he would like, and he can easily give him that, stroking and smoothing his skin to soothe the counterpoint of pain as he peels each sequin away.]

Mm, good. It's all right, let it happen. There's no judgment here.

[tr1ckortreat]

[It felt reassuring when his counterpart said those words to him. "There's no judgement here." Loki was often always in a state of permanent bitterness regarding others getting close to him but as for his counterpart? Who better to get close to than yourself? In a strange way it was almost like a healing feeling tickling at the pit of his stomach. That and he was getting rather turned on with the slight movements of the other man's long fingers.]

No judgement. If I wanted more....would that be permitted?

[He turned his head ever so slowly to meet with his counterpart's, gently breathing the words out so that he was almost touching the other man's lips. It was erotic but also very intimate. His own hand coming up to stroke at the soft skin of Loki's cheek.]

You are doing such a sterling job too. Your light touch is exhilarating.

[coldsong]

[It's strange, perhaps, for a person that's been so obsessed with control and dominance, that this Loki's method of leading in intimacy is slow and soft and soothing, as if he wants nothing more than to ease this other version of himself into surrender.

There's a little ring of dropped sequins and rhinestones on the ground at their feet now, which is sort of amusing but nowhere near as diverting as the contact between them.]

Permission granted. [He almost purrs in return, smiling against the other Loki's lips. The kiss he gives is deep but gentle.]

Roughness and power games can be enjoyable. [He comments when the kiss pauses.] But sometimes slow and gentle scratches an itch that goes deeper than pure lust, don't you find?

[tr1ckortreat]

[Oh, Norns. Why was it that he was finding kissing himself so erotic and enjoyable? Maybe it was because it was himself and if anyone knew how to touch or kiss himself it would be another Loki. This man knew how to reduce him to a shivering mass of want it seems. The kiss was welcome and Loki leaned into it, bringing up a hand to cup at his double's jaw, caressing the soft skin gently. Once the kiss breaks off, he finds himself panting a little.]

Oh, I do agree entirely. Who better to please us then two versions of ourselves? The best of both worlds.

[His own voice coming out as a low sultry murmur. It was like a surreal dream that he didn't want to wake up from since it felt so good. His hand caressed his double's dark locks by his shoulder, caressing slightly. The irritation of the beads and sequins nearly all but forgotten since he was now melting into the touch of his double.]

[malcolmeffect]

Ian doesn't mind the vulnerability. He might prefer it to most of the cold aloof behavior he's used to in intimacy. Whatever he thinks about it, there's certainly no shame in his mind to being vulnerable.

The conversation is flowing in a particular direction and, to the Chaotician, not an unusual one given the fact that they are pretty much laying together on his couch. Ian slides his hand encouraging Loki to lay against him if he wants.

"What do you want to be understood?" The question begged for asking after that comment. It was like a lead in. Someone saying something as a comment that they both are reluctant to ask and desperately want to express.

[coldsong]

Loki tends to feel like he's asking to be hurt when he lets his guard down like this. If he weren't keenly aware of how many other people feel the same fear, he would never even try. The people he sees echoes of his own fear and pain in are the ones he's most willing to trust. Of those, the handful who will go out on a limb for him in spite of their own past wounds--those, he loves.

Sensing the invitation, he sinks down to settle against Ian's chest, arms around him, face nuzzling lightly against the crook of his shoulder.

"I'm neither human, nor mortal as humans understand mortality, but I am a person nonetheless. I'm not made of stone. I...fear. And I hurt. And I continue to do what I must, because I am a Trickster and I have a role to play in the tapestry of the Norns. But there are days I would do anything, literally anything, for a little taste of kindness. When you welcome me into your arms, when you offer me such care, you tempt my deepest desires."

[malcolmeffect]

Ian has been shutting down slowly for years. The idea that he's willing to even think about letting someone close still boggles his mind sometimes. He knows he needs it though, someone to be close to and keep him from digging into only his own thoughts. He's probably been depressed most of his life but now, after everything that has transpired, it is bad enough that others are noticing. He really shouldn't be on his own constantly.

Loki gets one of Ian's cynical laughs at the begining of his words. "Humans barely trat each other like something other than inanimate and unfeeling objects...uh.. I'm not surprised they do the same with an 'other'."

It was Ian's damage talking. He had been treated like an unfeeling monolith enough in his life to get an idea of where Loki was coming from. Perhaps that is why they got along? He had experienced enough to peek under the veil without any extra effort of revelation.

"Isolationist can get lonely eventually." Ian was talking about himself, mostly. He'd spent most of his adult life married and most of that time he also felt terribly lonely. Instead of talking more he simply settles in to holding Loki, arms wrapped loosely around his back. Ian knew emotional intimacy, and with it vulnerability, was more important than sex or desire when it came to making anything work. It was the place where his relationships usually failed; his natural inclination to do things on his own and the lack of emotional reconnection when he made himself available.

[coldsong]

Indeed. [His hand slides up to rest lightly against the base of the other Loki's neck--not a grip or a squeeze; he doesn't like to be choked and isn't about to do that to the other version of himself, even if they don't have the same flashpoints in their history--but a gentle pressure holding him close.]

It rather removes the pressure of a power differential, as well, doesn't it? Who tops? Loki, in either case.

[There's humor in his voice, and he goes in for another kiss, his free hand moving to the waistband of the other's trousers, unhurried but confident.] I think I'd like to hold you like this, against my body, and stroke you slowly to completion. Would you enjoy that? Watching yourself come in the mirror?

[coldsong]

"That fault is hardly exclusive to humanity," Loki says with wry humor. "It's a struggle for any sapient being to reach beyond ego and selfish need, I think. But to many, a god is a relic of a way of life long gone, and good riddance to that past and its superstitious nonsense. You no longer need Thor and his hammer to explain where the storm comes from--you know better--but perhaps humanity has other needs yet, which he and his tales may fulfill."

He could expound upon his premise at length, because this is something he spends a lot of time thinking about, but he's far more interested in the physical intimacy now. He strokes Ian's side lazily through his clothes, palm moving from hip to ribcage and back down again.

"No man is an island, so they say," he murmurs. "But when we are surrounded by water, we tend to attempt to be an island, rather than a drowning person."

The stroking continues, slow and and gentle, Loki's hands seeking out sensitive places that will relax him rather than prompt laughter and a shove out of the nest they're making of his couch.

[tr1ckortreat]

[Loki shivered at his double's touch and knew that touch to be his very own, yet slightly different coming from the other man. It all felt rather strange but soothing at the same time having himself but not quite himself touching part of his body. He only knew he wanted the other Loki's hands on his hot, sensitive skin. The large part of the sequins had been picked off thank the Norns, since they were irritating him for the most part of the evening.]

Mmm, I quite agree. Oh, I want you to stroke me in front of the mirror. Such a tempting offer.

[He cooed softly against his double's lips, capturing them once more in a soft but meaningful kiss, groaning gently. His cock was already half hard, tenting his linen pants and offering up a view in the mirror. The other Loki's hands close to his waistband caused a hitched breath to still in his own throat.]

Touch me. Pleasure me with those long pianists fingers I know we both possess.

[malcolmeffect]

"It's not just you." Ian sighs with disappointment. "I don't think I've met anyone without this problem on their world toward someone."

Chaos in the making for sure. Everywhere had strife and oppression and that always made things interesting. Not, the time of interesting Ian wanted to be involved in but it really was interesting to watch how many different ways it could pan out.

"Despite reading myths to my daughter, I'm an atheist." Ian still had no idea how to reconcile his religious beliefs with the fact that there was a god, or at least someone strong enough to claim that title, laying on his couch with him. He shrugs without much of an answer but knowing Loki would need more from him or there might be hurt feelings or arguments. "I don't doubt your power, so much as choose to see you as a person instead of a deity.. uh..mmm.. until I can reconcile years of disbelief in divinity with a god existing."

It was honesty and that was the best he could do with the situation. He knew Loki had power he couldn't understand, though he believed science could explain it, but to put him into some category of pedestaled divine wasn't even something Ian was sure he wanted to consider. It would change the dynamic too much, might ruin it.

"I don't want to think about islands." Ian comments with a grim sort of undertone. Too much of those metaphors may trigger him and he knows it. Instead he settles into the touch, stroking Loki's back in return, all the way from neck to waist.

[coldsong]

"I don't want you to worship me," Loki says with a soft snort. "There is power for a being like me, in acts of devotion, but that is not something I would ask from a lover. Lovers must meet one another on equal terms."

Probably, the same should be true of friends, but in a practical sense, there's only so many avenues of religious devotion he cares to shut down. He tilts his head to bury his face deeper against Ian's chest, as if he's listening to his heartbeat or his breathing. "If I cannot be perceived as a person and a god, I would rather you perceive me as a person."

That might not have been true a few years ago, but a few years ago he was completely out of his mind anyway.

"Forget about them, then," he murmurs, and makes a quiet, hungry sound in the back of his throat when he strokes him in return, going very still, as if he's afraid if he moves it will make him stop.

[malcolmeffect]

"I wouldn't even if you wanted me to." Ian lets out a disgusted sort of chuckle. "I had an ex-wife like that, wanted to be worshipped. Once.. uh.. that's enough." It was a joke of sorts to still his own tension over religion and all the baggage he had around it. "Can someone with the powers of a god ever meet a mortal on truly equal terms?"

It was a question sparked of curiosity and probably spoken before he had thought about it enough. However, his ego needed to understand this fact if they were going to remain close, and especially if the intent was to get closer.

Ian sighs partially amused and partially delighting in the contact. "Despite my arrogance I see everyone as persons."

Ian doesn't stop, not when he hears the sound and feels the tension. He kisses the god's forehead and stays there whispering with amusement. "I'm usually the one everyone is telling to uh.. relax."

[coldsong]

Loki chuckles softly. "You say something like that about a human woman you knew, and then question whether a god can meet a mortal on truly equal terms? Not every mortal can meet another mortal on equal terms."

He looks into his face, an unusual warmth in his green eyes. "Power isn't a barrier between people unless they permit it to be. Age and experience can be difficult to move past, but haven't you and I already found we have many experiences in common?"

"Different need not mean lesser. You have knowledge I do not. I can shapeshift." He shrugs. "The universe demands different things of us, and there is no denying that crossing the mortal with the divine courts existential danger to both sides. But nevertheless, we control how we perceive one another, how we treat one another, how we react to the feelings between us. There, we can absolutely meet as equals."

Philosophical discussion notwithstanding, he does seem to be subtly tense under Ian's hands. Attraction converging with mild intoxication converging with ravenous hunger for touch--it's a lot to feel at once. His eyes fall shut at that kiss, and he lets out a shaky sigh. "This feels...like high stakes," he murmurs. "I'm a little afraid of doing the wrong thing."

"...that feels so good, though."

[malcolmeffect]

"Well... She would tell you she's a goddess or something, I'm sure." Ian adds with his own, uniquely sarcastic and bitter humor.

Ian considers this point and then shrugs helplessly because of his own point of view. "Common experiences to a point. I know I won't or can't survive things you can or shapeshift.. or uh whatever else. I can accept that we experience the same things, feel the same feelings, but I'm not deluded enough to imagine that levels the playing field in terms of power. There will always be a barrier even if it's just aging and dying."

It's an honest answer and an open one. Ian rarely admits feeling below someone else as far as power but in private, with someone he trusts, it's not such a hurdle. "Uh.. the difference is I can teach you what I know. You can't teach me to shapeshift."

Ian nods consent to the idea that there are places they can meet as equals but Ian is also very aware of the places they can't. Ian snorts a laugh that is more tension than humor.

"You...we can talk." Ian continues trying to stroke the tension out of the god's back. "I think more than most before doing anything.. even if it happens so fast people think I don't."

[coldsong]

"I don't like to think about that," he says quietly. "Aging and dying. On the whole, I think that humans underestimate the power they have over immortals who are in any way soft for them. You get under our skin, and then we forget to be wary until it's too late."

"There's always bound to be some god that thinks mortals are toys, but there are also humans who think to summon and bind us. Cruel or ignorant people will use one another if they can."

"But if you're not aware by now you have the power to break my heart, I suppose I can only blame myself. I'm not very forthcoming about these things." He closes his eyes and tucks his head closer, taking one of Ian's hands and pressing it gently to his own chest.

[malcolmeffect]

"I never used to either." Ian didn't feel like mentioning what changed his views and he's sure that Loki could guess one of many reasons he had.

Ian shrugs. "It's one of the ways the powerful and the less powerful are the same." Ian had a unique view on cruelty and at times felt like he attracted those types of people.

Ian had an idea it was true but didn't want to assume, and really wasn't sure that he was comfortable. Honesty though was something he responded to and felt was important regardless of the outcome. Ian touched Loki gently but soon slides it around to hold him. "Sometimes I expect you to break mine like everyone else in my life has."

That was his darkness welling up, all the trauma from the people around him; wives, girlfriends, and to a certain extent family. When had that stopped him before though? He leans closer and presses a kiss to Loki's hair, while indulging in the softness.

nsfw overflow because it seems likely this conversation will continue to be NSFW

[coldsong]

Continued

Well, now I'm going to need you to accompany me to a circus so I can see this in action. You get that, right?