Inbox (Caldera)
Mar. 18th, 2023 06:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
coldsong
"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Attack while they are distracted.
Kindly leave a message."
coldsong"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Attack while they are distracted.
Kindly leave a message."
time for another monologue sry
Date: 2025-01-28 09:30 pm (UTC)He lifts his head to look at Loki's face as he speaks. Seeing him with pale skin and green eyes is strange for Finnick, almost like he's wearing a powdery makeup over the blue. Still, it's undeniably Loki, and aside from the coloring, he looks much the same. Handsome, as always. Pretty.]
You've always been good to me, Loki, and I trust that you always will be.
[His fingertips trace through the dark locks at his temple, tucking them behind his ear.]
I appreciate that you've given me space and time. I did need that, and it's always nice when someone is willing to prove that they like me for more than just sex or my body.
But... I do find myself wanting more, again. The more I get to know you, I just think you're incredible. You're perfect, to me. I know you think poorly of yourself, and you've done bad things, but I don't care about any of that. I care about what happens in Caldera, and in Caldera, I have only seen someone kind, and fun, and smart, and thoughtful. Someone good with kids and animals, someone who would put himself at risk to keep his friends safe, someone romantic who likes poetry and music, someone who tells stories I could never even fathom. Someone who will swim in the ocean with me as a fucking seal in the dead of winter.
[He laughs softly, then looks down.]
I thought I could only love Annie. I pledged my heart to her forever, and she will have it forever. But... I am realizing now that my heart is too big to love just one person. Especially when that person isn't here, and there are so many wonderful people in my life here. I don't want to feel guilty for loving them. I don't want to deny myself the happiness they bring me, deny the love they want to give me, or limit my relationships. Maybe it's selfish. Maybe the right thing would be to stay committed to her and refuse all else. But that would only lead me to further dwell on the past, and the future she and I can't have together. I'd only become bitter and miserable and lonely. If Annie ever comes here, I will give my heart to her again, but I will have to hope she understands that I've grown and let others in, so that I can have a new future that I want to live in. A second chance, a life where I can be free and happy. She would want me to be happy, and that's what I want for her, even if she finds someone else.
never be sorry
Date: 2025-01-29 03:57 pm (UTC)His eyes drift closed at the touch, and he sighs shakily, then smiles. People keep telling him things about himself he simply cannot believe. Except, of course, it's objectively true that he'll swim around as a seal with Finnick, winter or no.] I feel like I'm lying if I don't tell people everything I've done, everything I've been through. But it's too much to tell all at once, and there's so much of it that hurts to think about, and some of it...it's probably better not to plant those images in anyone else's head.
[Realistically, though, he doesn't know the entirety of Finnick's history, either. It's impossible to learn that much about a person at a glance, and traumadumping on any possible friend or love interest is just bad form. It leaves him a bit lost. He has to live with uncertainty, just like he told Gadriel not long ago.
His eyes flicker open again at the mention of Annie, of love, and there's sympathy in his eyes, mixed with something like awe, because the implication here is that Loki, too, is loved. Finnick said as much earlier, indirectly, over the network, but the impact in person is...considerable. He doesn't dare say anything; love is a wild animal, and if you approach it directly it runs away. But he hears, and he processes what he's being told, slowly but accurately.]
If...if she ever does come here, I'll protect her for your sake. With all my heart.
Finnick, I'm over a thousand years old, and unless this place kills me or changes me I'm likely to live another four thousand or more. I've loved mortals before. Humans. It's...delicate, because you know you'll lose them, they'll die, and it will always be too soon, but you can't get caught up in that, because they have to live their own lives freely. If they give you their heart, for the rest of their life, they've given you everything they have to give, more than you could ever repay, and that's beautiful and daunting and honestly I'm not sure any god is worthy of it.
All of which is to say, I would never ask you to be mine alone, and it'll be a long while before I stop worrying I'm taking too much just by letting you care about me at all, but I'm here. ['Letting him', as if he has any control over that, ha.]
You're one of the most profoundly loving people I've ever known. I'd be insane not to want that, want you, in whatever way you'll have me.
(no subject)
Date: 2025-01-29 04:40 pm (UTC)If it helps, you can tell me anything you want to tell me. I promise you, I can handle it. Telling all sounds tiring for you, but maybe you could tell me the worst thing, the thing you're most ashamed of, and I could tell you mine. But I'm not going to run away, no matter what it is, you have my word. That's just... Not me.
[Finnick wouldn't know what 'chaotic good' means, but he does know his moral compass is unique to himself. He has his own set of right and wrong that many would probably find a bit questionable, and a lenient judgement for things that seem ambiguous. Especially now, when everyone he meets comes from a different world with different standards. He probably won't approve of everything Loki has done, but he's guaranteed to try to understand with a generous lens due to the bond they've formed and all the good he already sees in Loki.]
Thank you. [He nods.] I know all my friends would protect her. She'd be safe here. [There is certainty in that phrase, and with that certainty comes grief. She would certainly be safe here, but he does not know if she's safe where she is now. But that's another conversation.
He listens carefully as Loki talks about the problem of loving mortals as someone immortal, much the same as Maedhros had told him before. It's sad, and Finnick feels for him.]
We both know I'm painfully mortal, [He smiles.] but if there's any way I can make that easier for you, I'd like to. It sounds hard. Though I am shielded from true death here, at least.
[It's what happens when he leaves this world that he's not so sure about. Given a choice, he'll stay in Caldera forever, but he's unsure if that's really his choice. Some Visitors disappear for good and no one knows what happens to them. One would like to assume they go back to their world, but if someone dead in their world disappears here... The easiest thing to assume is that they're just gone from existence.]
Loki, you're not taking too much. I have this love, I'm going to have it no matter what, and I want to give it to you. You don't have to take it, but it would make me very happy if you did.
And... It's rude to refuse a gift, you know. [He teases.]
(no subject)
Date: 2025-02-02 01:38 am (UTC)I will. Some day. Not today. [They've had enough harrowment today.]
I'm just as dead in my own world as you are in yours. [Idly, gently, his hands begin to stroke Finnick's back.] I want to stay here for as long as I can. Even with all the madness.
Especially if you're going to be here, too.
[His embrace shifts, pulling Finnick closer against him and tucking his head over his shoulder to hide his own face.] You're telling me you love me. Am I hearing that right?
(no subject)
Date: 2025-02-02 02:04 am (UTC)I do, too. Not just because I don't know what happens if I leave here. Because I want to stay, I like it here, and I'd never want to leave all of you. So... At least for a while, we won't worry too much about the mortality thing.
[Finnick rests his chin on Loki's shoulder in turn, his hands finding a lock of black hair and fidgeting with it, brushing it against his own lips to feel the softness.
Quietly, calmly:]
Mmm... Yes, I think I do.
[He isn't too concerned with Loki making his own confession. He just wants Loki to know his love is there, whether he reciprocates it in that way or not. Perhaps that was the reason he messaged him today, in the first place. To make his claim, to ensure that if Loki drifted away from him, it would not be because he thought Finnick didn't care.
And he knows that Loki cares, too, and feels secure in that.]