If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks...

[coldsong]

It's customary to have a Wake after the subject thereof dies. Even Loki knows that. But this is a special occasion. Ego-death is coming to his alternate, and the idea of letting him go off to perish alone, uncertain he will even be mourned, is too dark a proposition even for a flawed and callous person to contemplate.

That, and this Loki has been in a melancholy mood since speaking to the spirit of Frigga. He anticipates a dark choice of his own, sooner or later, and where the fates will send him after that, he can't know. Maybe oblivion, although even at that rate there may be worse places.

What's important right now is that no one dies unremembered. And honestly, any excuse for mischief a party. The first text rolls out to Harley, an innocent enough invitation to join them for milkshakes. Cricket is next, because it occurs to him that Cricket has plenty of liquor, which is good for a reckless celebration.

Things snowball from there.

As long as they don't destroy too much property, they'll call the night a success.

Comments

[to_the_wolves]

Ice Bear is such a nice bear that he doesn't mind helping out. Off goes the two serious business people, leaving the women to talk in 'private'.

Marie looks over at the chair, gesturing for Adia to sit, her attention going to the glass in front of her hesitantly. It's so hard to avoid those razor sharp glares Caspar was giving her earlier and she feels bad for eating up Adia's time. Without even realizing it, she's already adding to the other woman's statement, mostly trying to jump the gun out of worry or sadness.

"Go for it. Things can't get any worse lately, so you wouldn't be ruining my night. Losing people and lovers close to me, getting asked to step back from work...It's a cascade of affairs." Taking a sip of wine, she finally manages to stare over at Adia, still wearing those concealing glasses. "What's on your mind?"

[chiron_survivor]

Adia sits down, fussing with her scarf as she does so the ends don't get caught on the back of the chair. It gives her time to think, too, about what she's going to say, because she's unprepared. At least she's not as deer-in-the-headlights nervous as she was the last time they spoke, but it's almost a relief to her when Marie starts talking again.

Well, a relief up until it isn't. It sounds like she and Jeff broke up, or are at least on the rocks. The fact that she's been asked to ease up on her work, too, must be like salt in the wound. She bites her lip and looks down at her latte nervously. Will saying anything help, or will it only make Marie feel worse?

"I'm sorry... that sounds rough, and I really don't want to add onto your troubles. But you really deserve an explanation for my boyfriend's behavior." She tries to look Marie in the eyes, but with those sunglasses in the way, it's impossible. "It's... complicated, but long story short, an alternate of yours indirectly caused something terrible to happen to me... even though intellectually, he knows that you aren't the same person, he can't help but remember how close he came to losing me..."

It's not exactly the truth, but it's as close as she's willing to come right now. "Again, I'm sorry. And, for what it's worth, I don't hold any sort of grudge. I know you're not the same as her. And even if you were... she had her reasons for doing what she did." Adia had forgiven her long ago.

[to_the_wolves]

Marie listens quietly to Adia's words, not reacting negatively or positively just yet, uncertain of how she should be feeling. She's hurt Adia and Caspar, even if it wasn't her directly, but something an alternate once did. That's enough to let guilt sink into her heart, knowing full well how difficult these encounters must be. To be reminded of bad things when looking at her face. Marie sighs, taking the glasses off, placing them on the counter-top, unable to hide her sadness any longer. She's not mad that Adia came to her about this.

"You're not adding to it. When you're at rock bottom, there's not a lot left to lose. I'm glad you said something, because I'd rather come to a resolution instead of forcing us all into weird scenarios." She's trying not to seem weak here, but it's apparent that the news has caused her to rethink everything. "Without even realizing it, I've just been making matters worse. Your boyfriend has every right to be upset."

Her hand stays close to the wine glass, pondering another drink. It'll be one of many for sure, but acting like a drunkard in front of Adia isn't respectful. She just takes a few deep breaths, uncertain of what to say to fix this problem. "I'm sorry. I know apologizing won't change what's happened, but it's at least a start."

[chiron_survivor]

At least she's not more upset, but Adia knows that it must be a difficult thing for her to hear. Goodness knows how she'd feel if she found out an alternate of hers was responsible for something terrible. "That's my own fault," she says earnestly. "I panicked a little when I recognized you outside the café. I didn't mean to make things even weirder."

She wishes that Caspar were here to see how contrite Marie is, but she knows that he'd be too caught up in his own anger to listen with an open heart. At least she can try to ease the awkwardness between herself and Marie, while she has the chance.

"You don't have to apologize, but I appreciate it." She smiles softly at the other woman. No hard feelings. See?

Caspar is still upstairs with Ice Bear, so Adia picks up her drink for a sip, in now rush to run off, unless Marie wants her to leave.

[to_the_wolves]

"No need to apologize, I would've probably done the same thing." She's never dealt with the alternate thing, but it can be a hard situation to respond to. Not everything makes sense, especially Adia and Caspar's behavior towards her. Even if this conversation seems to be going better, there's a good chance that this will be the last time she actively tries to meet either one of them. It's probably for the best.

"You don't have to stick around if this whole interaction makes you uncomfortable." She's not forcing Adia to stay, but understands completely if the woman wants to go. "I imagine you're here to see your friends, after all."

[chiron_survivor]

It's difficult to imagine Marie reacting the way she did, had their situations been reversed, although the situation is less hypothetical than Adia would like. There's always the chance that Marie might remember the alternate timeline, or learn what really happened. What would she think of Adia, then?

"Oh, no, no. I'm not uncomfortable," she stammers quickly, then blushes and laughs sheepishly. "Okay... maybe I am a little, but not because of you, I promise." She takes a sip of her drink and adds, "I'm only here because Loki asked me to come. I'm happy to keep you company for a little while. Unless you'd rather be alone?"

[to_the_wolves]

The whole situation involving Adia is something only heard of in rumor mills around the Nexus: having an alternate cause mischief while another has to deal with it. No matter how hard she tries to shake the feeling, Marie is clearly troubled by it, unable to formulate sentences or words.

There's a period of silence before answering Adia's question, hazy eyes staring into the wine glass, as if searching for an answer. "It's your call. Me, I just needed something to distract my mind, no relation to the party planners at all. Not fitting in with the crowd doesn't bother me in the slightest."

[chiron_survivor]

That's not much of an answer, and if Adia didn't know any better, she'd interpret that as Marie wanting to be left alone but too polite to say otherwise. However, she knows that the other woman is being honest. Furthermore, she doesn't feel right leaving Marie here to drown her sorrows. That never helped anyone.

And, despite the risk of Marie learning too much, she wants to stay and help. She deserves to be happy, especially after what had happened to her in the previous timeline. She hasn't forgotten about the sacrifice Marie was willing to make to save Hunter, either.

"How about I stay until I finish the drink you got me. And if you want to share any of your troubles, I'm happy to listen."

[to_the_wolves]

Adia is partially right with her guess, but Marie is conflicted by many things at once and her mood could easily be contributed to that. But if Adia has no idea what she's facing, then it's easy to assume her behavior is based on the conversation they've had so far. Drowning in sorrow is the only thing she knows right now.

"Burdening you with my thoughts is unfair, don't you think? You'd take on my feelings and pain, some of which are unpleasant. Your kindness is noted, but is rude of me to take advantage of." For a brief moment, she glances up at Adia with a painful look on her face. "You're too kind, Ms. Costas. I fear that can be a weakness in certain circumstances."

[chiron_survivor]

Marie's comment about kindness unwittingly cuts too close to home. She drops her gaze, as if embarrassed, and takes a sip of her chai. Marie is not making it easy to get to know her. But she simply can't ignore that pained look, so she swallows, sucks in a deep breath, and looks up again.

"You're not the first person to have told me that, Marie. And I'll admit, it's gotten me into some trouble. But it's no weakness to show kindness to others. 'No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.' It's a quote from a fable of a lion and a mouse, and it's something I take to heart. You can share your burden with me, or not, but I won't take back my offer."

[to_the_wolves]

The statement wasn't meant to be harmful, but Marie can tell that her words have done something to Adia's mood, based on the way she looks downward. It's not easy confiding weaknesses to anyone, especially not someone who was hurt in the past. Marie sighs, running her fingers along the side of her glass in thought.

"Do you know much about Hinduism? There's an ideal known as karma, a belief in which good actions reward a person with good fortune. Do bad things and you receive a terrible future." She pauses, letting those words sink in, before continuing. "That's my life, trying to balance out karma so I can find the answers I'm looking for. Lately, my actions have cultivated a negative future that could probably be tracked back to poor decisions."

She takes her hand away from the wine glass. "People I trust have asked me to stop pushing myself so hard, take a break, but I can't. My work defines who I am and to step down, even for a little while, is simply frustrating."

[chiron_survivor]

Adia has not heard of karma before, but the concept is easy to understand. She sits back and listens to what Marie is willing to share with her. What answers could this woman be seeking? What poor decisions have led to her current troubles?

It's so tempting to tell Marie the truth. That this truly is the better timeline. But she suspects that the other woman would find a way to blame past mistakes on her current self. And it would certainly ruin whatever possibility there is for her to get back together with Jeff. She wants both of them to be happy.

"I know how you feel," she says quietly. "It is frustrating, to back away when you feel that drive to push forward." She looks at Marie curiously. "Can you put that drive into something else? You're a pokémon trainer, right?" She points to the decals on her jacket. "This might be a good time to give your pokémon some attention."

[to_the_wolves]

The answers go much deeper than one might guess, something spiritual or primal, but nothing Marie dares mention to Adia. Instead, it's so much easier to focus on other things.

"You remind me too much of another friend, except she'd want to solve all my problems with fire and zeal." She smirks a little, taking up her glass once more. "It's a fair suggestion, but the feeling still remains. The lack of human companions, the sense of purpose...Karma will catch up to me."

Another moment passes, finishing off the drink. For a brief second, it doesn't seem like she's all here, as if another being is present. "I have to keep moving forward somehow, even if I'm not sure how."

[chiron_survivor]

She doesn't know what friend Marie is referring to, but she'll take the comparison as a compliment. As hard as things have been for Adia at times, she's not one to wallow in self-pity for long.

"But... well, maybe I don't understand karma completely, but so long as you're living your life, don't you have a chance to do good deeds to balance out your fortune? You can't go back and change your past, but you can learn from your mistakes and strive to do better."

As she watches Marie, her feeling that there is more to this woman than she first thought grows even stronger. It doesn't change her advice, but it does make her wonder how deep in karmic debt Marie might truly be.

[to_the_wolves]

"I try to, yes, but there's something that I can never outrun. A past that will forever catch up to me." Marie catches her tongue, almost revealing her secret, but chooses to reveal only the bare minimum to Adia. "I have an obligation to those I couldn't save when my world died. Giving up and dying would just be a disgrace to everyone else who perished." There's no point in hiding about her world, but Marie is adamant to not let Adia know about what she went through to survive, even to this day.

"Putting myself first is selfish. My efforts have to be towards helping others, so that's why it hurts to lose everything I've fought for." Weakly, she laughs, but the way she has her hands balled up into fists shows her rising anger. "I'm more upset at being asked to step away from work than my boyfriend leaving me without saying a word. Maybe that's why the incident with Hunter resonated with me greater than it should've. I related to Electra's grief and anger."

[chiron_survivor]

"I'm so sorry, Marie..." A dead world, much like her own. She knows the burden that comes with Survivor's Guilt, although she can't shake the feeling that there is something that Marie is not sharing. She hasn't forgotten the woman's offer to Electra. Was there something she could have done and failed to do? Did she abuse whatever power she had on her old world?

It's not the time, nor place to ask. At least Marie isn't planning on giving up, no matter how miserable she is. That gives Adia a small measure of relief.

"My world died, too," she confesses, lest Marie think that her sympathy is superficial. "It's true, we cannot outrun our past. But I do believe we can make peace with it."

Marie's double loss makes more sense, in that context. It must feel like karma catching up to her. She takes a small sip of chai, glancing worriedly at those balled up fists. Marie might take her professional loss harder than her personal loss, but Adia is more concerned about what happened with Jeff. "He left you? I-- I'm sorry to hear that. Was it because of the secret he was keeping from you?"

[to_the_wolves]

"Things happen, Adia. There's a lot of people who come to the Nexus without a place to go, so our situation is just one of many. The best thing we can do is try to stabilize, live on for those who did not. At least, that's the mantra I keep telling myself. It's hard not to think about my parents and friends, wondering if they actually received a peaceful death or if there's some vicious cycle where they're forced to suffer." The Nexus has altered her ideals quite a bit, making her ponder how the afterlife works quite thoroughly. Although, she wants to counter Adia's statement with her own, about how a power she never wanted was forced onto her, making the thought of peace difficult.

Her anger seems to ease up, hands uncurling, but still visibly tense. Talking about Jeff is a rarity, since she's been keeping her feelings compounded within for weeks. It feels weird using Adia as a literal dumping ground, but the other woman did offer to hear her problems. The specific details where she cheated and spied on Jeff are calmly left off the table. "It just didn't work out, that's all. We have conflicting personalities and it finally came to an end. I just wish I could've done more before everything came crashing down. Helping someone who has no self-confidence is harder than is looks."

[chiron_survivor]

Again, something that Marie has said seems to have struck a nerve within Adia. She silently winces, taking another hurried sip of chai. Has she trapped Marie in a viscous cycle with her alteration of the timeline? Has she doomed the other woman to relive her suffering and repeat her mistakes?

No. No, this timeline is better. Adia has to believe that. Not just for people whose lives she's saved, but for Marie, too.

"My people believe that the universe works in cycles. That everything that's happened before will happen again. But it's never the same. One small variable can make a difference. I'm sure you've already made a difference in the lives of the people you've helped."

Like Jeff, she can't help but think. They were happy together once, weren't they? Even if the relationship is truly over, it didn't end in murder. She listens quietly to Marie's response. If she knew about the spying, she'd have a much better understanding of what went wrong, but even with this censored reply, she has a vague sense of what happened.

"That's hard," she says sympathetically. "But that's not something you can fix in another person. He needs to make his own path to self-improvement."

[to_the_wolves]

Even if Marie knew about Adia's past, it wouldn't change what happened to her before coming to the Nexus. That fate was set in stone years ago and those weaknesses from years of trying to survive an apocalyptic world will always be present.

Adia's comment causes Marie to frown, no longer calm like before. There's no way she can tell Adia about her primal nature, that she must kill humans in order to survive, lest her sanity be lost. No matter how many good deeds she's done, nothing outweighs the need to slaughter. "Perhaps you're right..." It's a weak, cover-up answer, but one that tries to paint Marie in a fetal position, appear depressed and in sorrow.

"I wish him all the best in his endeavors. There's no hatred in my heart towards his decision."

[chiron_survivor]

There's more going on here. Marie's words and body language don't match. "Like you said. You have to keep moving forward, the alternative is unacceptable." She smiles softly, but it's obvious that something else is on her mind. She's not about to badger Marie for the whole story, though.

And anyway, it's not like she's being honest, either. She's not about to tell Marie that she already knows all about Jeff. It makes her uncomfortable, though, to keep that a secret, and it's a little while before she replies, her gaze on her half-finished chai.

"We can wish others the best... but it still hurts. I know how that is, too. You think you'll ever see him again?"

[to_the_wolves]

"I highly doubt it. He left on his own, and the Nexus is vast, so there's thousands of worlds to escape to." She wants to say more, but lingering on her loneliness only opens her up to more probing questions. Marie has no intent of telling Adia that she'll be doing her best to not interact with her or Caspar once this conversation resolves. Her gaze drifts over at Adia's drink, as if silently assessing how much longer she'll stick around. Honestly, Marie wants to stay around and get thoroughly drunk, but not while Adia is watching, but she's tempted to step away and rejoin this 'party' later on.

"I appreciate your company, even if it was for a little while. However, I imagine your boyfriend wants some time with you." She stands up, taking a moment to ensure all of her belongings are claimed, before nodding to Adia. "I'm glad we were able to talk about our problems openly."

[chiron_survivor]

"Oh, you don't have to --" But Marie is already on her feet. Whether Adia is done with her drink or not, this conversation is clearly over.

Shouldn't she be relieved about that? Isn't this what she wanted? To stay out of Jeff and Marie's way? So why does it feel more like resignation instead?

She gives Marie a weak smile, not putting up more of a protest. Me, too," she replies, though the words feel like a lie. She'll have to take comfort in the fact that an attempt was made. They can go their separate ways with no hard feelings. "Take care of yourself, Marie."

[to_the_wolves]

"Don't worry about me anymore, okay? You've got a good life and guy at your side, so enjoy that." In a rare moment. she reaches up and touches Adia's shoulder gently, a forlorn smile slipping onto her face. She's not jealous at how Adia has her life together, but rather, Marie wishes she could get over her own weaknesses as well as the other woman has. For someone who has money, confidants and a stable life, there's something sad about believing one's own world is full of loneliness due to an irreplaceable curse.

That's why she can never truly have friends, for fear of hurting them. No one can really know about her demon lineage, at the risk of losing everything.

"Goodbye, Adia." Those words are said with the intent of hopefully never seeing her again. Without saying another word, she's out the door of the Crossroads Cafe, destination unknown.

[chiron_survivor]

The touch surprises her. Impulsively, she reaches up to briefly lay her hand over Marie's, meeting the other woman's sad smile with a more authentic expression. She was once in Marie's place -- alone, bereaved, lost without a purpose. If Marie can't find solace in her words, then she can only hope that one of the redhead's friends will step in and bolster her spirits.

It's not Adia's place. Even if she feels responsible.

"Bye," she echoes softly, watching Marie leave.

In a moment, Caspar will come down the stairs, pretending to be casual but failing miserably, and join her company. He'll put his arms around her and tell her that it's for the best that Marie is out of their lives, and she'll agree.

But for now, she can't help but wish the conversation had gone differently.