Beach break? ((For desertdancer))

[coldsong]

It's taken a long chat at the Christmas party, several subsequent exchanges of messages, and one additional meeting in person, but at last Loki feels comfortable bringing his group of children away from the Nexus and into Khai's world as invited. He feels as though he knows very little about the culture and planet they're visiting, but he is sure enough that the Au Ra is well-intentioned that he is willing to stake his life and his children on it. Coming from a being as knee-jerk suspicious as Loki, that says quite a bit.

They arrive through the gateway in a little group, Loki carrying a squirmy, fussy Eindrid who doesn't understand where they're going and why he has to have sunblock, shades, and a sunhat. The girls are hand in hand, wearing matching sundresses (yellow with blue flowers) and carrying novelty luggage. Sigrid's has Disney princesses on it; Una's is a violet unicorn.

Bringing up the rear, Agnarr is the oldest and ostensibly the most responsible. He's carrying Eindrid's bag, but of all of them he looks the most uncertain, apprehensive in the face of a foreign situation.

Comments

[coldsong]

"Bee fiss!" Eindrid echoes his new friend, stretching out his arms to show exactly how bee a fiss he hopes to catch. He's quickly distracted by the fishing rods, though, touching each in turn before opting for the horse one. "Mine?"

Loki's eyes follow the children as they run and play, double, triple, quadruple checking to make sure they're all right. And they are. He can see they are well-attended, and if Agnarr is doomed to be shy at first, he seems willing to get close the Khaishan's sisters, and relaxing in the sun. Sigrid and Una, of course, are as outgoing as ever, hiking up their sundresses to splash in the shallows.

They're okay. He tells himself. You can relax for a moment.

"You sound like a woman that speaks from experience," he says, looking back at Zhentani. "Is that truly what it's like, to raise them and watch them grow? I...have had offspring, but for the most part I was a poor parent. I brought gifts and visited, took some on quests for their fortune, but I was not...I was not really a father. They did not need me to be, for the most part, but I regret it."

[desertdancer]

"Goodness, you catch a fish that big and I don't think even I'll be able to carry it. We'll have to work together on that one!" Khaishan was utterly charmed by the young boy's enthusiasm, watching him consider the fishing rods. They'd been the ones most of the family had learned on, well-kept regardless of their age, and the Au Ra nodded at the question, retrieving his own fishing gear from the chest. "All yours. Consider it a late Starlight gift."

While the experience was the gift here, Khaishan knew how a physical token could help remind one of those memories and the good emotions tied to them that he was hoping Eindrid would get here. They were off to a good start at least, with the laughter from his sisters and the children ringing out over the hiss of surf against sand and the call of birds from trees overhead.

"Many years of experience," She agreed with a small, soft smile and a lift of her brows. "It can be... terrifying at times. You do your best to keep them safe. To help them learn and grow, to prepare them for a world that at the best of times isn't fair, an uncertain future. But every day is a gift as well. Small moments, small joys that all add up over the weeks, months, and years. I see the children they were, the people they are, and the people that they could grow to be, and I love them all the more for the hardships endured to get them to this point."

She slid a plate closer to Loki's side of the small table, a quiet offer of some of the cookies there, plucking one up herself to dip in her tea. "While you might regret now, it seems to me that you weren't ready to be the sort of parent you're being now. You did what you were capable of, and I'm sure your children did appreciate it in the long run. All you can do is take that regret and turn it to something positive in what you do now, in being a father to these young ones."

[coldsong]

Eindrid may or may not have been trying to ask if he could keep the rod on a permanent basis. Loki will be mildly embarrassed by the gift, but right now what matters to the toddler is that he has a cool object to hold, the attention of a nice grown-up, and they're going to go catch bee fiss. "T'ank ou!" He gives a polite little bow, an imitation of one of Loki's courtly nods, and hugs the rod to his chest.

"Oh," Loki sighs raggedly. "It's already terrifying."

Still, what she says does not fall on deaf ears. It sounds so much like the kind of thing Frigga would say, counseling patience, gratitude, kindness. Lessons he tried to learn at her knee, but which he took to less well, perhaps, than her magic. His vision blurs a little, eyes getting misty, and he gives a little shake of his head to decline the cookies--at least for the moment. Until he gets himself under control.

"Well, I--" he says, but his voice fails and he gives up, clearing his throat, and takes a drink of the tea. "I can only try," he manages then.

[desertdancer]

Khaishan certainly doesn't mind it. The boy is sweet, and despite the sorrow he'd seen in his young life was clearly on the road to recovery. He offered a playful little bow from his crouch before pushing to his feet, with his own rod, and the small tackle box he used in hand.

"You're quite welcome! Now, let's go find a good spot before my sisters catch all the fish!" There was no threat of that in these waters, but he didn't see anything wrong with a little teasing as he led the boy across the sands to where the wide flat stones were, plenty of room there even with the women already with lines in the water.

"Well hello there!" One of them spoke up with a smile when the pair approached. "Have you come to fish with us?"

Zhentani didn't press the offer, Loki knew the cookies were there and would be able to indulge as he pleased. She did however notice that subtle well of emotions, though didn't call attention to it. No, he seemed a more private sort and she didn't think he would thank her for that.

"Trying is where we all start," She agreed, with a small nod. "Even knowing I was to give birth, I felt so woefully unprepared to take care of children when I first had the twins. I cannot recall the number of evenings I found myself sniffling or flat out in tears over the feeling, of being overwhelmed by the enormity of the idea of these little lives dependent on me. But I tried, as you said. Every day and as time went on I found it was easier to press on. To at least seem like I had everything under control."

A playful edge to her gaze as she glanced his way. "Because that illusion is about half of parenthood more often than many mothers like to admit."

[coldsong]

"Oh nooooo!" Eindrid starts trotting off toward the water, briefly outpacing Khaishan until the Au Ra's longer legs give him the advantage. By the time they get to the stones he's giggling though, giddy with the bright sun and the sound of the waves.

"Ai!" He grins at the women, but then moves closer to Khaishan, pretending to be shy.

Loki sets his cup down and gives a watery laugh, then scrubs his sleeve across his face. "Yes...mine never quite admitted that in life, but I spoke to her spirit last year. I didn't really understand until now."

Which is not to say he's ready to completely let go of Frigga's mistakes, let alone Odin's, but at least he can see them as honest mistakes born of hope that she was doing the right thing. "I suppose it made it harder to swallow, for me, knowing she was the goddess of wisdom."

[desertdancer]

The shy act just earned delighted laughter from the three, one of the two who looked rather close to how Khaishan did other than height and horn shape patting the expanse of rock beside them as their brother was taking Eindrid's hand to lightly guide him up the slippery stone.

"I'm Kheii, that's Kharii, and the redhead is Toqaii!" She introduced them all, tone cheery. "You must be Eindrid! Shanii was telling us that you like fishing!"

It was likely somewhat forward. Likely not what normal society would expect. But then Zhentani was a mother through and through, and for all Loki was obviously an adult, capable in his own right, he needed that right now, especially at the mention of spirits. She let out a soft sound of tongue against the back of teeth, a quiet thing as she set her own cup aside, up out of her own chair easily enough to lean in and give him a hug, all steady solid warmth.

"I think she would be proud of you. How far you've come, the lessons you've learned." A faint smile in the gentle tone. "A goddess of wisdom would know that you cannot rush such understanding after all."

[coldsong]

Eindrid is never going to be able to remember those names, but he'll absorb the faces fast. Chances are he'll be giving hugs by the end of the day. He does take a moment to look back and make sure of where Loki is, but then he lets Khaishan lead him onto the rock, beaming at the ladies. "Fiss," he confirms, and then looks out over the water. "An' boats wit sails."

Loki makes a soft, surprised grunt at the hug, but melts into it quickly and without question. The support and contact actually eases back his inclination to weep, which is probably for the best, and he sighs and lets his eyes close.

"You don't know the half of what I've done before," he tells her. "I've had a lot to learn."

He needs the comfort too much to shove it aside, though, and despite the fact he's known her less than an hour, he finds himself hugging back. "I miss her...but I've started to see her in my brother. And that is some reassurance."

[desertdancer]

No one would fault Eindrid for having trouble with so many names. One, there were a lot of them at once, and two? He was just a little kid.

"Boats with sails, hm?" Kheii commented as Khaishan was settling to sit, giving a spot near him an inviting pat for Eindrid before he was rummaging for lures for the pair of them. Something that would catch the eye of some of the more colorful fish maybe, that would certainly entertain the boy. "Well you can see all sorts of fishing skiffs out on the water. And every so often you can see the big ship the Fisher's Guild charters to go out in the really deep water going by!"

"Everyone has a past, and it's often as not, a rather unpleasant one," Zhentani hummed, glad that the embrace seemed to be helping, a hand lightly running over his hair in that motherly reflex. "And I bet your brother sees some of her in you as well. Those we love tend to stay with us like that."

[coldsong]

"Bee boat," the toddler says, looking out over the water almost solemnly. He can't articulate the feeling of familiarity or memory, but Khaishan at least has been told of the family connection to the sea. Ein knows his father isn't out there fishing--his speech is more delayed than his understanding--but looking out into the water for his boat feels good.

Loki's shoulders relax at the maternal caress. A big part of him feels he should not indulge himself so; they're here for the children, not him. He can rationalize that away, though. It would be rude to refuse such kindness, and whatever else he may be, he's not usually unmannerly.

"I hope he does. He always mentions how I was closer to her, but I think he takes after her more."

[desertdancer]

"You'll know it for sure when you see it." Khaishan hummed, as he was setting Eindrid's line with one of the lures, a shiny little thing with a spray of thin, colorful feathers. He'd given the basic idea of what had happened to his siblings, if only so they knew what subjects to be gentle about, but kept it to broad strokes. There was no need to spread the children's pain around, and the basic idea was enough. "Sometimes they'll bring back fish so big that it'll be hanging along the side of the boat, and have a big fish fry over on the main beach."

"Things are funny like that," Zhentani mused, sensing that relaxation. There was no reason in her mind that Loki couldn't accept that affection- his children were well minded after all, and he too had been through loss and pain. "I look at the triplets, Khaishan especially, and see so much of my late husband in them. Almost like a mirror in some ways. But then there are times that I might say or do something that one of them look at me and I can tell that they're seeing their father in me. People leave an impression on us, especially those we're close to."