"Careful, my love." Megatron squeezes Loki's shoulders gently, steadying him.
After a moment, he sighs. "Shockwave is not who he once was. They shadowplayed him. But when we were all young, he was the only Senator worthy of the name. He put up the funds to ransom Ravage and the birds from Ratbat. If he'd managed to become the head of the House, he could've bought them outright and brought them and Soundwave home, but even though he couldn't get them free, he made it so that Ratbat could never lay hands on Ravage again. He tried to make the world a better place without the use of violence, but they took him away, and then they took his face and hands by empurata, and then they put their needles into his neck and brain, and he became completely emotionless. He remained a Decepticon, but he wasn't someone we could trust any more, because he valued almost nothing. He no longer felt love for his brother or for Ravage, but he felt no resentment because he felt freer without emotional ties. Yet he was once among the best of us."
Megatron sighs again. "Are these the stories you want to hear, on a beautiful day like this when we are together?"
Loki's heart does a flip-flop at 'my love', and he tells it silently to behave itself.
Shockwave's story makes him shudder, though. There are to many dark parallels here, too; alarming could-have-beens. "Ravage mentioned shadowplay once, when we played the word association game. We could both tell we'd wandered into territory we did not wish to tread, and opted to turn back together."
"I understand better now. But no, absolutely not, these are not stories for a pleasant evening." He takes a breath and pulls back. "Shall I show you some of my other forms as we walk? I can be a snake or spider even in cold weather."
Megatron gives him a squeeze when he shudders, and leans over to kiss his cheek. "Certainly, but warn me to stand still if you are turning into something much smaller and more delicate than you already are while we're walking out here. Or stay in contact with me, if you can, when you change, and I'll carry you."
There are plenty of dark things in both their pasts that will continue to come up in conversation periodically, but for the moment, Loki is in control of his own traumas and able to focus on better things. He smiles at the kiss.
"I would do that even if you were as light and soft as a human. I don't care to turn into a spider and get stepped on. But just for that delicate comment, I'm going to learn to turn into a bilgesnipe and knock you over some day."
No, he's not. A, he's not offended, just amused; and B, he would never want to be a bilgesnipe.
But there is a shimmer of green-gold that courses over him as he walks, and a moment later, Megatron is arm in arm with a more feminine-appearing version of Loki. "This is my usual form when I wish to appear as a woman. Most of my friends recognize her now, so she is not a secret nor a surprise."
"Well, I've been told that it's important for the people around me to hold me accountable for my misdeeds," Megatron says mildly, and realises that he would never want Loki not to be able to tell him lies at all, even if there will someday likely be one that he will find as annoying or upsetting as he finds this one charming.
Megatron grins at Loki and kisses her lightly. "I am," he says, "really glad that I'm not one of those mechs who just can't appreciate femmes. Which, apparently, is most of them." He rolls his optics. "Cybertronian homonormativity isn't as toxic as human heteronormativity because it doesn't take forms that are murderous, but it's still stupid. Because you're very appreciable, and someday soon I hope to have you like this, as well."
"Accountable, yes, but also when you say something like that to me, I'm liable to take it as a challenge. I am as delicate as a frost-flower, as hard as the heart of a glacier, and as wild and changeable as the wind."
Those bits are certainly true, though they are not always all true at once! She smiles up at Megatron and arches her back a little to lean into him. Her body language in this form is almost identical to that of the other, but it comes across as more coquettish now, for whatever reason.
"You may absolutely have me like this some day," she says in a soft purr. "In any shape, I am Loki, though there are aspects that come through differently in other forms. But I think that is an asset. I need never be boring. There is always more Loki to explore."
A bit egotistical, but that's the prerogative of a god, perhaps.
Megatron's tone is a little more serious this time, but not too much. "I think you're at least pretending to forget that you're my beloved, and that I never mean anything insulting by what I say to you," he tells her firmly, pulling her toward him as she presses herself into him.
"It may come as a surprise to you that I find softness and delicacy highly erotic, but I'm personally very glad that I do, because I have never had the slightest desire to fuck Overlord, Astrotrain, Trypticon, or Omega Supreme, and my attraction to Ultra Magnus is partially fuelled by the fact that Ravage told me how tiny the bot that's under that armour actually is. And that's an incomplete but illustrative list of the options I'd have if I didn't."
He grins at her. "I love your true form best because it's yours. I'm sometimes concerned about your habit of using a glamour in your everyday life, because I'm afraid you're not as proud of your beauty as you should be. Most of my lovers have been anything but acceptable under the Grand Taxonomy and they have tended to have very unwarranted insecurities about themselves and their desirability. But things that transform enjoy doing it, and I also told you truly that I'd make love to you in any form you took. And I would, no matter how creative I had to be. For that matter if you want to attempt to take on a tank, you can do that, but you'd have to use your magic unless you take the shape of something that has the appropriate ports and/or cables."
"Oh, elskan mín, I was never insulted." She beams up at him; her height is the same in this as in her usual male form, but Megatron is still taller. "It is in my nature to take a word game and go running with it, when I'm in high spirits."
"It's true that I've never thought of myself as soft or delicate, though. And I was considered too thin and weak by Asgardian beauty standards for men, growing up, but I think that had I not been standing next to Thor most of the time it would not have bothered me at all. He's always been a golden-haired slab of muscle."
Still delicate by Cybertronian standards, though, which amuses Loki just a little.
"That is a sweet thing to say." She kisses his cheek. "I have only known my Jotun form for a few years. Less than a decade, and discovering it was a terrible shock. Had that not been the case, I would like it better. But you can thank the Winter Spirit, if you ever meet him, for making me open up to it as much as I have. Before, I could scarcely wear it without feeling panic, but now there is such a feeling of joy in it, to wander bare-chested and bare-footed in the snow like it's a part of me. I look forward to the season now."
She laughs a little at the talk of creativity, but there's a thoughtfulness there, too. "I would not be opposed, but perhaps more practice in these forms is in order first. I am not such a consummate shapeshifter that I can easily construct a form like your own, but it may be possible, with time and work."
"As for my own, I think we can set aside the possibility of lovemaking in my spider form, and the serpentine shape has possibilities, but they're quite pornographic. The Mare is dangerous, far more so than any other shape of mine save one. She has a mental and emotional state all her own, as if I've channeled my anger into that form. I do make a nice cuddly wolf, though, if I say so myself."
Megatron smiles at her. "I just wanted to make sure," he says quietly. "I can only read your mind when we're joined, and even though that will not always take the better part of the day, we still have a great many other people we love and a great many other things that we need to do."
He leans over to kiss her. "I don't need to have you in every form that you take. Having known Airachnid, though thankfully not intimately...we can certainly forget about the spider. But I want you to know there is no form in which I'd reject you. And if the wolf wants to cuddle with me, I will be happy to cuddle the wolf."
He laughs, softly. "I've cuddled a cybercat often enough, and I'm fixing to cuddle a turbofox...if I can only even get him to notice I'm flirting. My feelings for him aren't half so extravagant as they are for you, but it wouldn't help if they were. If I said the kinds of things to Minimus that I say to you, he'd run until his energon gave out. Or perhaps until he hit a singularity."
"I appreciate it," she murmurs. "That you're gentle with my heart. It is both stronger and weaker than it seems...but soft handling never really harmed anyone."
She kisses back before starting up the walk again. The comment about spiders makes her laugh out loud, though, the sound bouncing off the rocks and trees around them. "It wouldn't be fun for me anyway," she says. "The intercourse of organic spiders is all about pedipalps and egg sacs, there is no opportunity for pure physical pleasure, except perhaps for people with very specific kinks, which I do not share."
"That, and I'm a very small spider. I could sit on your shoulder and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, but I think that might be the limit of intimacy in that form."
Wolf cuddles are clearly a go, though. Loki tilts her head thoughtfully. "I have never seen a turbofox, but I think I already approve. My alternate here, who calls me their twin, often takes the form of a fox. I suppose I've developed a fondness. Presumably, Minimus is not someone you plan to introduce to the Nexus any time soon, but should that ever happen, I will make him welcome."
"Thank you for that, beloved. We'll see if anything ever happens."
Megatron shrugs. "Minimus has actually been here once already, but he doesn't know I know about that. He can't yet know I know about the Nexus, or he'd try to stop me from coming here; we haven't yet established trust, and sometimes, I'm afraid we won't. He came here to see Misfire. But the real issue with telling Minimus about you at this point in time is that he'd assume I was warning him off me on your behalf. I probably should leave well enough alone, all things considered. I think he may actually believe that Ravage and I have always had a platonic relationship."
He kisses Loki again. "I want to be gentle with your heart because I don't yet know where all of the weak places are, and at this early stage in a relationship--even one as intense as ours--pointing them out to a new love just isn't easy to do. Rough play is only fun for me if you enjoy it, too."
Loki raises an eyebrow at Megatron as he relays what sounds like a complicated attraction to this turbofox friend of his. "...I fear this might sound hypocritical coming from my lips, but establishing trust would seem to be of paramount importance in this instance."
To that end, it's best she leave well enough alone and let Megatron handle his own emotional affairs, but it's strange to hear the contrast. That he is dancing around this other potential lover so delicately, when they fell in together as if a magnet drew them close. It reinforces the idea that Ravage was careful to place in his head--this isn't just Megatron being passionate. There is something to this beyond anything either of them expected.
She smiles and clasps her arms behind his neck with a little hop in the air so that he's supporting her off her feet. "Just don't flirt with Thor, and we'll be all right. Most other things can be negotiated or smoothed over."
That's only half teasing. Generally speaking, Loki is fine with the idea of sharing a lover with anyone except her brother. Thor is not looking for a partner anyway, right now, so it's a moot point, but there is just enough jealousy in Loki's heart to make it worth mentioning.
"I agree with you that establishing trust is probably a good idea in any relationship," Megatron says quietly, "and that's why I may choose not to pursue it further."
He leans down and kisses her forehead. "I shouldn't be telling this to you of all people, but everyone else I know knows him and Ravage has opinions about it. And besides, I want to know more about Harley and Ian."
Megatron laughs again. "But I don't know if he will ever trust himself, let alone trust me. He's horrified by the fact that he likes me. He was my advocate at my trial and took the position only because he felt it was necessary to preserve the integrity of the proceedings. He devoutly hoped that after he had done the absolute best to defend me to the best of his ability, I'd still be executed, preferably promptly. And then they made me co-captain of the ship where he is second-in-command, and him my parole officer. If he knew I was leaving the ship on my own and going to another universe, or that I've decided not to be executed, he'd be...well, first he'd be horribly disappointed in me, and then in himself, and then I'd probably just have to move here immediately, because even though he knows this place, it's not his jurisdiction.
"Anyhow, I set out to seduce him because he is very alone, we do like each other, he already knows what I've done, he smells nice, and I thought it would be good to secure his favour absolutely, which you've got to admit I could probably do in a couple of hours, because even without all the magic we make together, he's got all the connections any other of my species has, and I'd be surprised if he's been laid at any time in the last million years, because nobody ever sees him out of his armour. And Ravage only knows he's a fox because he identified the body of one of his alternates and figured out the smell. But now, I like him enough to want him for himself, even though he's completely obtuse and has no idea that I want him at all. I think I could write him a poem and he'd think it was for someone else entirely. If he knew about you, he'd almost certainly withdraw.
"My evil plot was to make Minimus fall madly in love with me, in case they decided against me, in the hope that he'd decide to go against his principles and help me if I decided I didn't want to die. But now I really want to see him fall apart on my spike for his own sake, and also because I don't think I have ever known a person who needed it more."
When Loki jumps, he catches her and holds her fast. "I promise not to frag your brother. That would be in very poor taste. I cannot promise not to engage in wordplay with him, but I will never flirt with him in earnest. I may not be able to avoid telling him he's pretty, but I will always make sure he knows I think you're prettier, and that will always be absolutely true, because even if he has your green eyes, which he almost certainly doesn't, there won't be any dazzling mischief dancing in them, and he will never be the one who gave me back my heart." He kisses Loki fiercely.
"We're supposed to be spending more time talking about our lives. But I could rut you up against a tree in less than half an hour if you used your magic, and I wouldn't leave you wanting. I know you, now, in ways that your shape won't much alter." He raises an eyebrow. "But I know. We should talk. Maybe after, though."
"You have so much affection to give," Loki observes softly. It doesn't escape her that Megatron appears to have considered seducing Minimus with slightly questionable intentions, but it also doesn't escape her that he is clearly genuinely fond of him. That, plus the comment about never knowing anyone who needed it more. "You often want to fix things for the people you're fond of, don't you."
She nuzzles into his neck as he holds her up. "It's a human meme, but it sounds like you're trying to bed a Lawful Good when you're a Chaotic Neutral. Always a tricky proposition. It will not be me that stands in your way, in any case. I hope for his sake that you succeed."
That last comment is delivered in a playful purr. Loki, at least, has been thoroughly convinced that sex with Megatron is not an experience to be missed.
She chuckles a little. "I think Thor has a slight preference for feminine lovers, anyway, but that may be his awareness of the expectations placed upon him--to produce an heir to the throne--rather than just his own tastes. But no, I wouldn't stop you from wordplay with him, as long as it isn't in earnest."
Harley has flirted with Thor often enough, after all, and there was only one time it made Loki at all uncomfortable, which turned out to be a misinterpretation on Loki's part.
She breathes out a vehement huff of air at the offer to rut her up against a tree. What is this madness? It's like flipping a switch; all he had to do was bring it up and she's immediately turned-on. "I'm going to need you to be careful about making propositions like that," she laughs. "Apparently I've regressed into a hormonal teenager."
She wants. "...but lets get to the top of the bluff first, at least. There's a view that is not to be missed."
"Mmmm, yes, you are absolutely right about me, I do want to fix things for everyone I care about. That's why I started a revolution, you know." Megatron chuckles; he loves it when she cuddles up to his throat and lets him cradle her head, like he is not so coincidentally doing at the moment. "Well. Lawful Good is an exact description of Minimus Ambus, but...you're not talking me out of this, are you?"
He leans down to kiss her a little more, and listens to her explain about her brother. He has no intention of flirting with Thor. From everything he's heard so far, he'd rather flirt with Harley. Especially if there's a chance of having both of them. He doubts his feelings for any of Loki's lovers will be as strong as his feelings for Loki, but there's not a better way to establish he's willing to share and be shared than to actually lie down and do the sharing.
"Do you think saying that you need me to be careful about making propositions because you want to say yes is going to get me to stop?" Megatron sighs. At least he knows how to avoid getting a spike-ache from having it try to go right through the panel! (Mostly by shifting her weight so that her open legs aren't quite so exactly close to his pelvic panels.)
"The problem, my dear, is that nobody told my protoform or my brain module that I was ever supposed to grow out of being hormonal. We don't have exactly the same life stages as Asgardians or humans do, but I do hear that other mechs get over it to a greater degree than I ever did."
He sets her down very gently. "If we're going to walk to the top of the hill you're going to have to stand on your own two feet till we get there, because if I hold you like that any longer, walking will become uncomfortable." He laces his fingers through hers.
"I can't believe I was celibate for so long after my trial, and again for almost a month after Ravage went back. That says quite a bit about my mental health, and nothing at all good, either."
"You have come to the wrong person if you expect to be talked out of anything," Loki laughs. That might not be a fair assessment of herself; she certainly spent a lot of her youth trying to talk Thor out of some of his more reckless shenanigans, and she's not beyond offering reasonable advice to those who will listen, but when it comes to matters of love and mischief, she's more likely to encourage than otherwise.
Case in point, her willingness to be talked into semi-public lovemaking with minimal provocation.
Still, she lets him put her down and links hands again without complaint, humming happily. There's a moment where she swings their clasped hands idly as they go, like a child walking with a playmate, but when the path narrows and they need to walk single-file, she takes the lead easily. It's a little steep, but the rocks are well integrated into the dirt; there is no danger of even a being Megatron's weight dislodging or slipping upon them. As for Loki, she moves up the path with a light, almost silent step.
"I used to walk the mountains in Asgard like this," she says. "Especially in the early winter when the snow was still shallow enough to walk through. I used to know every path through the rocks, even the ones too small for anything bigger than a serpent."
"You know, I think I was a little undersexed when I was younger. I wasn't celibate by any means, but I was choosy about my lovers and I spent more time in study than anything else. But I do understand what you mean. After my exile from Asgard, I didn't let another person near me sexually for a few years. Not until Sakaar, and that was...an unusual set of circumstances, even for me."
"It was sort of a garbage-fire of a planet, Sakaar," she explains, with a blend of wry fondness and embarrassment. "And I was determined to work my way into the upper echelons of society there, which meant attending a great many parties, most of which devolved into orgies."
Megatron shrugs. "Did you enjoy them?" he asks, raising an eyebrow and smiling. "There was a time when most Decepticon Conclave parties ended that way, and if you ask me, we should probably not have stopped. More to the point...when we stopped, it was because we'd stopped trusting each other. I do think that the way we used to do things went over the line a few times. There were those of us who believed that monogamy was a form of subtle enslavement, but there were also people who hadn't been allowed to set boundaries and probably needed to." He sighs. "Even Soundwave wasn't so jealous back then. It's my fault he's like that, but Ravage is the one who has to pay for it of course."
He kisses her hand. "I like watching people enjoy themselves, especially if I care about them at all. Once, while we were all paired off, eight of us had all of our cabling daisy-chained. That was actually Soundwave's idea. He thought we should all have the same experience he was having. Orion had two lovers at home he did that with and he seconded the plan."
Megatron shrugs. "I don't think I would do that again, it's dangerous; and the only people I've ever opened up to as far as I do with you were Orion and Terminus--and it certainly didn't happen that fast. But I'm not going to judge you for lying with more than ten people in a night, because that would be utmost hypocrisy."
"It's complicated," she says, with complete honesty. "Diplomacy and less-benign games of social manipulation are enjoyable for me. I can attend a party, work a room, and more often than not if I want all eyes on me, they will be on me. But Sakaar was under the rule of a dictatorship that wished to be viewed as kinder and gentler and more fun-loving than it actually was, and games are less fun the higher the stakes go."
Her tone is light; she's not looking for pity, but she is trying to be clear. "You spoke of gladiatorial battles; aside from the orgies, that was the primary preoccupation of the ruler and his court. And I can hold my own in battle better than most, but..."
She trails off, searching for words. "I have negative memories associated with battle, with training. And I doubted my ability to win against the alien beings I would have faced in the arena."
"No one ever said to me 'fuck or fight', but I cannot pretend there was no element of coercion or fear underlying my actions."
"But there was also an element of..." She pauses, lips pursed, and lets out a sigh. "In mortal circles, humans in particular, there is a subculture of power exchange and bondage games, as I think you well know. There is a condition some refer to called 'frenzy'. Overwhelming, desperate enthusiasm in the face of novel experiences. I've heard it likened to addiction. I never moved in such circles on Midgard itself, but I've had time to reflect and learn since my time on Sakaar."
"I liked it a little too much, I think, in a way that could have gotten out of control and led me down some unpleasant paths, had circumstances been just a little different. Yet another thing I owe Thor, I suppose. Had he not come in and ruined my fun, I might have just stayed there for the rest of my life."
"But that is a secret I won't be telling him. He definitely doesn't want to hear about my sexual misadventures."
Megatron gathers her into his arms and holds her closely, stroking her hair. "I saw that frenzy during my arena days. Some of the fans..." He shakes his head and kisses the crown of her head. Suddenly the motivation behind some of Soundwave's behaviour becomes painfully, cuttingly clear.
Ravage will always go out to the knife's edge to prove that she can--that he's not in any way lesser than anyone else, that his size and shape don't limit him, that her dancing and love affairs are proof of her freedom, that he cannot be owned and no-one controls him, that even when she gives herself away to plead or soothe, it is her choice alone.
Of course Soundwave wants to protect him. Not just from Megatron but from herself.
"Loki," he murmurs, and looks down into her green, green eyes. "I've been told I'm 'hypersexual' and 'manic', even. I've whored myself out when I've needed to, without shame. Was prepared to do it again, even. And I do enjoy a wild party, now and again, but now...only with people I trust, and there's not as many of those as their once were, and even fewer are willing to play. But I never want you to do anything you don't want to do with your whole heart, body and mind. I won't let that happen again to you. We're attuned; I will always know, as long as you're honest and open with me. And as much as I want to have you in all kinds of places, as glad as I'd be to share or be shared, it must only be if you wish it."
He kisses her lightly. "I want so much, but only if you're happy. And I think I owe Soundwave and Ravage another few thousand apologies."
He'd let Ravi, who'd been used as a whore in his youth, behave like one again for his pleasure.
"Every time I come up with what I think is some terrible confession, you pull me close and comfort me instead of being shocked," she says quietly, marveling at this. "A few years ago, I might have resisted that, unwilling to accept kindness because it feels too close to pity. I'm glad I've grown past that."
Instead of condescending or stifling, this feels safe. Even if she didn't mean to ask for sympathy or comfort this time, he gives it so freely and sweetly, how could she refuse?
"You said before you heard me cry out for what I need," she almost whispers, as if admitting a secret. "I believed you then and I believe you now. I trust you."
She holds onto the embrace for a moment, quiet, then leads the way up the last switchback to the top of the bluff with a warm smile. "I am certainly not above attending a party with people I trust. Lucifer's angels have invited me before, in fact, though I get the impression that's less of an orgy than an intoxicated mass cuddle pile that frequently ends in sex between two or three or more of them. I've yet to take them up on it, but I wouldn't be opposed as long as I had someone along to anchor me. I can and will lose myself if I walk into something like that alone and find myself surrounded by overwhelming elemental energies."
"Harley and I talked about it once, actually, though we didn't come to any conclusion." Loki wasn't sure if the group intimacy interested Harley in particular, but she knows she'd be capable of reeling Loki back in if necessary.
"There are very few sexual games I'm opposed to playing, as long as all participants are informed and amenable. I've just learned that some are riskier for me than others, and I am more vulnerable than I want to believe I am when I enter certain mental states. It just...feels so good to let go."
"If orgies are a terrible confession then it's one more thing we have in common. But, seriously...I can't pity you. You are immensely strong. You are strong enough to drag me out of anguish and despair." Megatron kisses her hair again. "That's why I'm not afraid to love you, Loki. By the time I went to bed with you, you had already had the chance to destroy me, and you chose to give me back my heart, instead of tearing what was left of it to bits. I will always give you what you need if I can discern what it is. And I think that most of the time, I can, but if you find that I don't see it, don't you ever be afraid to tell me plainly. You saved my life that day in your Hall."
He follows her up to the top of the hill. "I'd go with you to be your anchor, to any event you liked. But I should warn you--I don't think Lucifer likes me much. In some ways, he reminds me of Orion. He hates the violence in me, but it's part of my nature. Still, I would follow you there to protect you."
He slides an arm around her shoulder. "From what you've said of Harley, I already find her attractive. I suspect that you could have us both at once, if she were willing, though I cannot say for sure until I meet her for myself.
"You are also...a great deal like Ravage, in some ways. I think that one of the things that Soundwave is angriest at me for, aside from trying to steal her for my own, is that I let her go out into things like that on her own. I believed her when she said she could handle anything that came up for her. And yet I once I saw her walk out of a berthroom that belonged to a femme who'd done nothing but demean her up to that point. That did stop, after that, though...so maybe that was how they made their peace."
He sits down at the top of the bluff, and gives her arm a small tug to beckon her down with him. "The view is incredible," he says. "Tell me about the things that I'm seeing, here."
"My Hellequin, my Valkyrie," Loki murmurs with quiet affection. "Harley is utterly unique. There is more to her than she shows; I'll be very surprised if you do not like her, whether attraction is a part of that or not."
"And you may have to like Ian from afar, or by reputation, but if you had heard some of the sweeter things he's said to me, you would understand why I want him so much. He is a chaotician. He compared me to the Butterfly Effect, and I was so touched I could scarcely respond."
Her eyes are misty, and it's hard to tell exactly what's set off that sentimental streak, until she sits beside him. Part of her is tempted to just settle directly into his lap, but she has a feeling that would divert them from conversation. Instead, she curls against his side like she's unwilling for there to be a molecule of air between them.
"I don't think I realized it meant quite that much to you," she says. "That conversation we had. I could feel it was important, but..."
She rubs her hand over her forehead, pushing back some of the loose, inky locks around her face. "I didn't do it for that. I was only being myself."
There is something akin to a minor existential crisis going on here, if such a thing can be an utterly positive experience. Loki looks dazed. It's a strange thing to have spent so much of her life struggling to earn love she thought she had to prove herself worthy of, to give up on the task utterly in the most violent way possible, and to come out the other side determined to be the best Loki she could be and damn the consequences--and to hear here and now that that Loki, that simple instinct to sympathize with those most like herself--that Loki is worthy of all this lavish affection and protective tenderness.
Part of her wants to burst into tears.
"I never get cold," she says, "but put your arm around me anyway?"
And she looks up at the sky overhead, searching the glittering stars. "Sometimes you can see whales going past, in the Nexus skies. Some of them fly here. They're beautiful."
She scrubs her sleeve across her face and tilts her head against him.
Megatron slides his arm around her, gently. "You were only being yourself," he says, looking up at the stars, "but that's why I love you. I love you because you are you. In all the millions of universes, and here in this place where there are at least three people named Loki, there is only one you, and I love you because you are you. My spark was a flickering ember and you came along and blew hope on it."
He watches the sky, waiting for a flying whale. If he had a cloak he would throw it around them both. He doesn't often wear a cape. He thinks he could probably wear one for Loki, though.
They've told each other almost all their deepest, darkest secrets. They are sitting in a place that is special to Loki. They have certainly been intimate. No gifts have been exchanged, but she gave him back his life. That's probably devotion, though, not profference.
No. He is not going to think about this. Ravage will tell him he's lost his mind, and Ravage, as always, will likely be right.
"You are a butterfly effect," Megatron says with amusement. "Ian is right. He will need to meet me, eventually. If he's going to dislike me, he can dislike me for myself. I think that's fair. It doesn't have to be right away, but someday. I will protect him, you see. Even if he never cares for me, because he is yours, and something inside you would break, if you lost him."
Then he winces. "Orion once told me that I should have been the Lord Protector of Cybertron, when he was very, very drunk, and it was very, very late, and we were not supposed to be talking. He wanted me to fuck him and sparkmerge through that damned thing he let them put into his chest and I told him to go pound sand, I wouldn't abandon our people for fancy titles like he did. But it had a ring to it, somehow. I only know that I'd do anything to keep the people I still love, who still love me, safe in this world that has reason to wish them ill just for loving me."
Loki has to take another moment to rub her eyes and tame the urge to cry, but it gives way to a bright smile as it fades. The feeling that this is getting serious more quickly than is healthy has not left her, but the fear of it being too good to be true is fading like frost in sunlight. Good things do happen sometimes, whether the recipients deserve them or not. But maybe they deserve one another.
"This feels right," she observes, calming as the breeze whistles past them, and nods to herself. "The Winter Spirit warned me once not to allow myself to be tamed, or reduced into a single, simple self that does not acknowledge all aspects of Loki. I've thought about it a lot since then. I am a parent now, and a sibling, and a lover, and I can be all those things. I am fire and frost and wind and darkness, and I can be all those things, as well. I can be both the serpent and the victim of its dripping venom. But the turn of the Wheel, the cycle of lives and seasons, occurs outside of us and inside of us. I do not have to be the terrible herald of apocalypse and the tender mother of monsters all at the same time."
"My nature is changeable, but I think that you will understand that, even as you see it occur in front of you. I think you will still love me. That is a faith I did not expect to find."
"I trust you, with myself, and with the others I love." And that is a more momentous confession, to Loki's mind, than an I love you. After all, she never stopped loving Odin but she wouldn't trust him as far as she could throw a small planet.
"I don't know what the title of Lord Protector would even entail," she says wryly. "But you are, at least for me, a shelter from the cold both within and without."
"...and I'm sorry, I was trying to be sweet but you mentioned getting drunk and now I need to know what sort of spirits you drink in case we do have a party to attend at some point." Aaaaand there's the familiar glitter of mischief in her eyes.
Megatron is listening and he has about a million sweet things to say and then.
That.
Scrap. He hasn't told her that yet. Well. At least he can try to be cute about it.
"The only thing I can still get drunk on is you," Megatron says, and kisses her. But then, he vents in, and looks down past her eyes.
"I had a problem, Loki, and it got...pretty bad. It got so bad that Scorponok took over the fleet and hurt people, and I had to oust him. I had to get it taken care of. I didn't have time for discussion groups or religious nonsense. They modded my FIM chip, you won't know what that is, but no energon-based intoxicant has any effect on me now, nor ever will again."
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dancing_serpent
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-02 01:16 am (UTC)After a moment, he sighs. "Shockwave is not who he once was. They shadowplayed him. But when we were all young, he was the only Senator worthy of the name. He put up the funds to ransom Ravage and the birds from Ratbat. If he'd managed to become the head of the House, he could've bought them outright and brought them and Soundwave home, but even though he couldn't get them free, he made it so that Ratbat could never lay hands on Ravage again. He tried to make the world a better place without the use of violence, but they took him away, and then they took his face and hands by empurata, and then they put their needles into his neck and brain, and he became completely emotionless. He remained a Decepticon, but he wasn't someone we could trust any more, because he valued almost nothing. He no longer felt love for his brother or for Ravage, but he felt no resentment because he felt freer without emotional ties. Yet he was once among the best of us."
Megatron sighs again. "Are these the stories you want to hear, on a beautiful day like this when we are together?"
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-02 02:29 pm (UTC)Shockwave's story makes him shudder, though. There are to many dark parallels here, too; alarming could-have-beens. "Ravage mentioned shadowplay once, when we played the word association game. We could both tell we'd wandered into territory we did not wish to tread, and opted to turn back together."
"I understand better now. But no, absolutely not, these are not stories for a pleasant evening." He takes a breath and pulls back. "Shall I show you some of my other forms as we walk? I can be a snake or spider even in cold weather."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-02 05:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-02 05:24 pm (UTC)"I would do that even if you were as light and soft as a human. I don't care to turn into a spider and get stepped on. But just for that delicate comment, I'm going to learn to turn into a bilgesnipe and knock you over some day."
No, he's not. A, he's not offended, just amused; and B, he would never want to be a bilgesnipe.
But there is a shimmer of green-gold that courses over him as he walks, and a moment later, Megatron is arm in arm with a more feminine-appearing version of Loki. "This is my usual form when I wish to appear as a woman. Most of my friends recognize her now, so she is not a secret nor a surprise."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-02 06:13 pm (UTC)Megatron grins at Loki and kisses her lightly. "I am," he says, "really glad that I'm not one of those mechs who just can't appreciate femmes. Which, apparently, is most of them." He rolls his optics. "Cybertronian homonormativity isn't as toxic as human heteronormativity because it doesn't take forms that are murderous, but it's still stupid. Because you're very appreciable, and someday soon I hope to have you like this, as well."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-02 08:45 pm (UTC)Those bits are certainly true, though they are not always all true at once! She smiles up at Megatron and arches her back a little to lean into him. Her body language in this form is almost identical to that of the other, but it comes across as more coquettish now, for whatever reason.
"You may absolutely have me like this some day," she says in a soft purr. "In any shape, I am Loki, though there are aspects that come through differently in other forms. But I think that is an asset. I need never be boring. There is always more Loki to explore."
A bit egotistical, but that's the prerogative of a god, perhaps.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-02 09:18 pm (UTC)"It may come as a surprise to you that I find softness and delicacy highly erotic, but I'm personally very glad that I do, because I have never had the slightest desire to fuck Overlord, Astrotrain, Trypticon, or Omega Supreme, and my attraction to Ultra Magnus is partially fuelled by the fact that Ravage told me how tiny the bot that's under that armour actually is. And that's an incomplete but illustrative list of the options I'd have if I didn't."
He grins at her. "I love your true form best because it's yours. I'm sometimes concerned about your habit of using a glamour in your everyday life, because I'm afraid you're not as proud of your beauty as you should be. Most of my lovers have been anything but acceptable under the Grand Taxonomy and they have tended to have very unwarranted insecurities about themselves and their desirability. But things that transform enjoy doing it, and I also told you truly that I'd make love to you in any form you took. And I would, no matter how creative I had to be. For that matter if you want to attempt to take on a tank, you can do that, but you'd have to use your magic unless you take the shape of something that has the appropriate ports and/or cables."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-03 01:43 pm (UTC)"It's true that I've never thought of myself as soft or delicate, though. And I was considered too thin and weak by Asgardian beauty standards for men, growing up, but I think that had I not been standing next to Thor most of the time it would not have bothered me at all. He's always been a golden-haired slab of muscle."
Still delicate by Cybertronian standards, though, which amuses Loki just a little.
"That is a sweet thing to say." She kisses his cheek. "I have only known my Jotun form for a few years. Less than a decade, and discovering it was a terrible shock. Had that not been the case, I would like it better. But you can thank the Winter Spirit, if you ever meet him, for making me open up to it as much as I have. Before, I could scarcely wear it without feeling panic, but now there is such a feeling of joy in it, to wander bare-chested and bare-footed in the snow like it's a part of me. I look forward to the season now."
She laughs a little at the talk of creativity, but there's a thoughtfulness there, too. "I would not be opposed, but perhaps more practice in these forms is in order first. I am not such a consummate shapeshifter that I can easily construct a form like your own, but it may be possible, with time and work."
"As for my own, I think we can set aside the possibility of lovemaking in my spider form, and the serpentine shape has possibilities, but they're quite pornographic. The Mare is dangerous, far more so than any other shape of mine save one. She has a mental and emotional state all her own, as if I've channeled my anger into that form. I do make a nice cuddly wolf, though, if I say so myself."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-03 06:33 pm (UTC)He leans over to kiss her. "I don't need to have you in every form that you take. Having known Airachnid, though thankfully not intimately...we can certainly forget about the spider. But I want you to know there is no form in which I'd reject you. And if the wolf wants to cuddle with me, I will be happy to cuddle the wolf."
He laughs, softly. "I've cuddled a cybercat often enough, and I'm fixing to cuddle a turbofox...if I can only even get him to notice I'm flirting. My feelings for him aren't half so extravagant as they are for you, but it wouldn't help if they were. If I said the kinds of things to Minimus that I say to you, he'd run until his energon gave out. Or perhaps until he hit a singularity."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-04 02:39 pm (UTC)She kisses back before starting up the walk again. The comment about spiders makes her laugh out loud, though, the sound bouncing off the rocks and trees around them. "It wouldn't be fun for me anyway," she says. "The intercourse of organic spiders is all about pedipalps and egg sacs, there is no opportunity for pure physical pleasure, except perhaps for people with very specific kinks, which I do not share."
"That, and I'm a very small spider. I could sit on your shoulder and whisper sweet nothings into your ear, but I think that might be the limit of intimacy in that form."
Wolf cuddles are clearly a go, though. Loki tilts her head thoughtfully. "I have never seen a turbofox, but I think I already approve. My alternate here, who calls me their twin, often takes the form of a fox. I suppose I've developed a fondness. Presumably, Minimus is not someone you plan to introduce to the Nexus any time soon, but should that ever happen, I will make him welcome."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-04 04:06 pm (UTC)Megatron shrugs. "Minimus has actually been here once already, but he doesn't know I know about that. He can't yet know I know about the Nexus, or he'd try to stop me from coming here; we haven't yet established trust, and sometimes, I'm afraid we won't. He came here to see Misfire. But the real issue with telling Minimus about you at this point in time is that he'd assume I was warning him off me on your behalf. I probably should leave well enough alone, all things considered. I think he may actually believe that Ravage and I have always had a platonic relationship."
He kisses Loki again. "I want to be gentle with your heart because I don't yet know where all of the weak places are, and at this early stage in a relationship--even one as intense as ours--pointing them out to a new love just isn't easy to do. Rough play is only fun for me if you enjoy it, too."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-07 02:07 pm (UTC)To that end, it's best she leave well enough alone and let Megatron handle his own emotional affairs, but it's strange to hear the contrast. That he is dancing around this other potential lover so delicately, when they fell in together as if a magnet drew them close. It reinforces the idea that Ravage was careful to place in his head--this isn't just Megatron being passionate. There is something to this beyond anything either of them expected.
She smiles and clasps her arms behind his neck with a little hop in the air so that he's supporting her off her feet. "Just don't flirt with Thor, and we'll be all right. Most other things can be negotiated or smoothed over."
That's only half teasing. Generally speaking, Loki is fine with the idea of sharing a lover with anyone except her brother. Thor is not looking for a partner anyway, right now, so it's a moot point, but there is just enough jealousy in Loki's heart to make it worth mentioning.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-07 05:06 pm (UTC)He leans down and kisses her forehead. "I shouldn't be telling this to you of all people, but everyone else I know knows him and Ravage has opinions about it. And besides, I want to know more about Harley and Ian."
Megatron laughs again. "But I don't know if he will ever trust himself, let alone trust me. He's horrified by the fact that he likes me. He was my advocate at my trial and took the position only because he felt it was necessary to preserve the integrity of the proceedings. He devoutly hoped that after he had done the absolute best to defend me to the best of his ability, I'd still be executed, preferably promptly. And then they made me co-captain of the ship where he is second-in-command, and him my parole officer. If he knew I was leaving the ship on my own and going to another universe, or that I've decided not to be executed, he'd be...well, first he'd be horribly disappointed in me, and then in himself, and then I'd probably just have to move here immediately, because even though he knows this place, it's not his jurisdiction.
"Anyhow, I set out to seduce him because he is very alone, we do like each other, he already knows what I've done, he smells nice, and I thought it would be good to secure his favour absolutely, which you've got to admit I could probably do in a couple of hours, because even without all the magic we make together, he's got all the connections any other of my species has, and I'd be surprised if he's been laid at any time in the last million years, because nobody ever sees him out of his armour. And Ravage only knows he's a fox because he identified the body of one of his alternates and figured out the smell. But now, I like him enough to want him for himself, even though he's completely obtuse and has no idea that I want him at all. I think I could write him a poem and he'd think it was for someone else entirely. If he knew about you, he'd almost certainly withdraw.
"My evil plot was to make Minimus fall madly in love with me, in case they decided against me, in the hope that he'd decide to go against his principles and help me if I decided I didn't want to die. But now I really want to see him fall apart on my spike for his own sake, and also because I don't think I have ever known a person who needed it more."
When Loki jumps, he catches her and holds her fast. "I promise not to frag your brother. That would be in very poor taste. I cannot promise not to engage in wordplay with him, but I will never flirt with him in earnest. I may not be able to avoid telling him he's pretty, but I will always make sure he knows I think you're prettier, and that will always be absolutely true, because even if he has your green eyes, which he almost certainly doesn't, there won't be any dazzling mischief dancing in them, and he will never be the one who gave me back my heart." He kisses Loki fiercely.
"We're supposed to be spending more time talking about our lives. But I could rut you up against a tree in less than half an hour if you used your magic, and I wouldn't leave you wanting. I know you, now, in ways that your shape won't much alter." He raises an eyebrow. "But I know. We should talk. Maybe after, though."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-07 08:14 pm (UTC)She nuzzles into his neck as he holds her up. "It's a human meme, but it sounds like you're trying to bed a Lawful Good when you're a Chaotic Neutral. Always a tricky proposition. It will not be me that stands in your way, in any case. I hope for his sake that you succeed."
That last comment is delivered in a playful purr. Loki, at least, has been thoroughly convinced that sex with Megatron is not an experience to be missed.
She chuckles a little. "I think Thor has a slight preference for feminine lovers, anyway, but that may be his awareness of the expectations placed upon him--to produce an heir to the throne--rather than just his own tastes. But no, I wouldn't stop you from wordplay with him, as long as it isn't in earnest."
Harley has flirted with Thor often enough, after all, and there was only one time it made Loki at all uncomfortable, which turned out to be a misinterpretation on Loki's part.
She breathes out a vehement huff of air at the offer to rut her up against a tree. What is this madness? It's like flipping a switch; all he had to do was bring it up and she's immediately turned-on. "I'm going to need you to be careful about making propositions like that," she laughs. "Apparently I've regressed into a hormonal teenager."
She wants. "...but lets get to the top of the bluff first, at least. There's a view that is not to be missed."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-07 09:26 pm (UTC)He leans down to kiss her a little more, and listens to her explain about her brother. He has no intention of flirting with Thor. From everything he's heard so far, he'd rather flirt with Harley. Especially if there's a chance of having both of them. He doubts his feelings for any of Loki's lovers will be as strong as his feelings for Loki, but there's not a better way to establish he's willing to share and be shared than to actually lie down and do the sharing.
"Do you think saying that you need me to be careful about making propositions because you want to say yes is going to get me to stop?" Megatron sighs. At least he knows how to avoid getting a spike-ache from having it try to go right through the panel! (Mostly by shifting her weight so that her open legs aren't quite so exactly close to his pelvic panels.)
"The problem, my dear, is that nobody told my protoform or my brain module that I was ever supposed to grow out of being hormonal. We don't have exactly the same life stages as Asgardians or humans do, but I do hear that other mechs get over it to a greater degree than I ever did."
He sets her down very gently. "If we're going to walk to the top of the hill you're going to have to stand on your own two feet till we get there, because if I hold you like that any longer, walking will become uncomfortable." He laces his fingers through hers.
"I can't believe I was celibate for so long after my trial, and again for almost a month after Ravage went back. That says quite a bit about my mental health, and nothing at all good, either."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-07 09:57 pm (UTC)Case in point, her willingness to be talked into semi-public lovemaking with minimal provocation.
Still, she lets him put her down and links hands again without complaint, humming happily. There's a moment where she swings their clasped hands idly as they go, like a child walking with a playmate, but when the path narrows and they need to walk single-file, she takes the lead easily. It's a little steep, but the rocks are well integrated into the dirt; there is no danger of even a being Megatron's weight dislodging or slipping upon them. As for Loki, she moves up the path with a light, almost silent step.
"I used to walk the mountains in Asgard like this," she says. "Especially in the early winter when the snow was still shallow enough to walk through. I used to know every path through the rocks, even the ones too small for anything bigger than a serpent."
"You know, I think I was a little undersexed when I was younger. I wasn't celibate by any means, but I was choosy about my lovers and I spent more time in study than anything else. But I do understand what you mean. After my exile from Asgard, I didn't let another person near me sexually for a few years. Not until Sakaar, and that was...an unusual set of circumstances, even for me."
"It was sort of a garbage-fire of a planet, Sakaar," she explains, with a blend of wry fondness and embarrassment. "And I was determined to work my way into the upper echelons of society there, which meant attending a great many parties, most of which devolved into orgies."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-07 10:14 pm (UTC)He kisses her hand. "I like watching people enjoy themselves, especially if I care about them at all. Once, while we were all paired off, eight of us had all of our cabling daisy-chained. That was actually Soundwave's idea. He thought we should all have the same experience he was having. Orion had two lovers at home he did that with and he seconded the plan."
Megatron shrugs. "I don't think I would do that again, it's dangerous; and the only people I've ever opened up to as far as I do with you were Orion and Terminus--and it certainly didn't happen that fast. But I'm not going to judge you for lying with more than ten people in a night, because that would be utmost hypocrisy."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-08 04:07 am (UTC)Her tone is light; she's not looking for pity, but she is trying to be clear. "You spoke of gladiatorial battles; aside from the orgies, that was the primary preoccupation of the ruler and his court. And I can hold my own in battle better than most, but..."
She trails off, searching for words. "I have negative memories associated with battle, with training. And I doubted my ability to win against the alien beings I would have faced in the arena."
"No one ever said to me 'fuck or fight', but I cannot pretend there was no element of coercion or fear underlying my actions."
"But there was also an element of..." She pauses, lips pursed, and lets out a sigh. "In mortal circles, humans in particular, there is a subculture of power exchange and bondage games, as I think you well know. There is a condition some refer to called 'frenzy'. Overwhelming, desperate enthusiasm in the face of novel experiences. I've heard it likened to addiction. I never moved in such circles on Midgard itself, but I've had time to reflect and learn since my time on Sakaar."
"I liked it a little too much, I think, in a way that could have gotten out of control and led me down some unpleasant paths, had circumstances been just a little different. Yet another thing I owe Thor, I suppose. Had he not come in and ruined my fun, I might have just stayed there for the rest of my life."
"But that is a secret I won't be telling him. He definitely doesn't want to hear about my sexual misadventures."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-08 04:40 am (UTC)Ravage will always go out to the knife's edge to prove that she can--that he's not in any way lesser than anyone else, that his size and shape don't limit him, that her dancing and love affairs are proof of her freedom, that he cannot be owned and no-one controls him, that even when she gives herself away to plead or soothe, it is her choice alone.
Of course Soundwave wants to protect him. Not just from Megatron but from herself.
"Loki," he murmurs, and looks down into her green, green eyes. "I've been told I'm 'hypersexual' and 'manic', even. I've whored myself out when I've needed to, without shame. Was prepared to do it again, even. And I do enjoy a wild party, now and again, but now...only with people I trust, and there's not as many of those as their once were, and even fewer are willing to play. But I never want you to do anything you don't want to do with your whole heart, body and mind. I won't let that happen again to you. We're attuned; I will always know, as long as you're honest and open with me. And as much as I want to have you in all kinds of places, as glad as I'd be to share or be shared, it must only be if you wish it."
He kisses her lightly. "I want so much, but only if you're happy. And I think I owe Soundwave and Ravage another few thousand apologies."
He'd let Ravi, who'd been used as a whore in his youth, behave like one again for his pleasure.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-08 04:11 pm (UTC)Instead of condescending or stifling, this feels safe. Even if she didn't mean to ask for sympathy or comfort this time, he gives it so freely and sweetly, how could she refuse?
"You said before you heard me cry out for what I need," she almost whispers, as if admitting a secret. "I believed you then and I believe you now. I trust you."
She holds onto the embrace for a moment, quiet, then leads the way up the last switchback to the top of the bluff with a warm smile. "I am certainly not above attending a party with people I trust. Lucifer's angels have invited me before, in fact, though I get the impression that's less of an orgy than an intoxicated mass cuddle pile that frequently ends in sex between two or three or more of them. I've yet to take them up on it, but I wouldn't be opposed as long as I had someone along to anchor me. I can and will lose myself if I walk into something like that alone and find myself surrounded by overwhelming elemental energies."
"Harley and I talked about it once, actually, though we didn't come to any conclusion." Loki wasn't sure if the group intimacy interested Harley in particular, but she knows she'd be capable of reeling Loki back in if necessary.
"There are very few sexual games I'm opposed to playing, as long as all participants are informed and amenable. I've just learned that some are riskier for me than others, and I am more vulnerable than I want to believe I am when I enter certain mental states. It just...feels so good to let go."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-08 06:03 pm (UTC)He follows her up to the top of the hill. "I'd go with you to be your anchor, to any event you liked. But I should warn you--I don't think Lucifer likes me much. In some ways, he reminds me of Orion. He hates the violence in me, but it's part of my nature. Still, I would follow you there to protect you."
He slides an arm around her shoulder. "From what you've said of Harley, I already find her attractive. I suspect that you could have us both at once, if she were willing, though I cannot say for sure until I meet her for myself.
"You are also...a great deal like Ravage, in some ways. I think that one of the things that Soundwave is angriest at me for, aside from trying to steal her for my own, is that I let her go out into things like that on her own. I believed her when she said she could handle anything that came up for her. And yet I once I saw her walk out of a berthroom that belonged to a femme who'd done nothing but demean her up to that point. That did stop, after that, though...so maybe that was how they made their peace."
He sits down at the top of the bluff, and gives her arm a small tug to beckon her down with him. "The view is incredible," he says. "Tell me about the things that I'm seeing, here."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-08 07:48 pm (UTC)"And you may have to like Ian from afar, or by reputation, but if you had heard some of the sweeter things he's said to me, you would understand why I want him so much. He is a chaotician. He compared me to the Butterfly Effect, and I was so touched I could scarcely respond."
Her eyes are misty, and it's hard to tell exactly what's set off that sentimental streak, until she sits beside him. Part of her is tempted to just settle directly into his lap, but she has a feeling that would divert them from conversation. Instead, she curls against his side like she's unwilling for there to be a molecule of air between them.
"I don't think I realized it meant quite that much to you," she says. "That conversation we had. I could feel it was important, but..."
She rubs her hand over her forehead, pushing back some of the loose, inky locks around her face. "I didn't do it for that. I was only being myself."
There is something akin to a minor existential crisis going on here, if such a thing can be an utterly positive experience. Loki looks dazed. It's a strange thing to have spent so much of her life struggling to earn love she thought she had to prove herself worthy of, to give up on the task utterly in the most violent way possible, and to come out the other side determined to be the best Loki she could be and damn the consequences--and to hear here and now that that Loki, that simple instinct to sympathize with those most like herself--that Loki is worthy of all this lavish affection and protective tenderness.
Part of her wants to burst into tears.
"I never get cold," she says, "but put your arm around me anyway?"
And she looks up at the sky overhead, searching the glittering stars. "Sometimes you can see whales going past, in the Nexus skies. Some of them fly here. They're beautiful."
She scrubs her sleeve across her face and tilts her head against him.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-08 08:33 pm (UTC)He watches the sky, waiting for a flying whale. If he had a cloak he would throw it around them both. He doesn't often wear a cape. He thinks he could probably wear one for Loki, though.
They've told each other almost all their deepest, darkest secrets. They are sitting in a place that is special to Loki. They have certainly been intimate. No gifts have been exchanged, but she gave him back his life. That's probably devotion, though, not profference.
No. He is not going to think about this. Ravage will tell him he's lost his mind, and Ravage, as always, will likely be right.
"You are a butterfly effect," Megatron says with amusement. "Ian is right. He will need to meet me, eventually. If he's going to dislike me, he can dislike me for myself. I think that's fair. It doesn't have to be right away, but someday. I will protect him, you see. Even if he never cares for me, because he is yours, and something inside you would break, if you lost him."
Then he winces. "Orion once told me that I should have been the Lord Protector of Cybertron, when he was very, very drunk, and it was very, very late, and we were not supposed to be talking. He wanted me to fuck him and sparkmerge through that damned thing he let them put into his chest and I told him to go pound sand, I wouldn't abandon our people for fancy titles like he did. But it had a ring to it, somehow. I only know that I'd do anything to keep the people I still love, who still love me, safe in this world that has reason to wish them ill just for loving me."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-08 09:46 pm (UTC)"This feels right," she observes, calming as the breeze whistles past them, and nods to herself. "The Winter Spirit warned me once not to allow myself to be tamed, or reduced into a single, simple self that does not acknowledge all aspects of Loki. I've thought about it a lot since then. I am a parent now, and a sibling, and a lover, and I can be all those things. I am fire and frost and wind and darkness, and I can be all those things, as well. I can be both the serpent and the victim of its dripping venom. But the turn of the Wheel, the cycle of lives and seasons, occurs outside of us and inside of us. I do not have to be the terrible herald of apocalypse and the tender mother of monsters all at the same time."
"My nature is changeable, but I think that you will understand that, even as you see it occur in front of you. I think you will still love me. That is a faith I did not expect to find."
"I trust you, with myself, and with the others I love." And that is a more momentous confession, to Loki's mind, than an I love you. After all, she never stopped loving Odin but she wouldn't trust him as far as she could throw a small planet.
"I don't know what the title of Lord Protector would even entail," she says wryly. "But you are, at least for me, a shelter from the cold both within and without."
"...and I'm sorry, I was trying to be sweet but you mentioned getting drunk and now I need to know what sort of spirits you drink in case we do have a party to attend at some point." Aaaaand there's the familiar glitter of mischief in her eyes.
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Date: 2020-12-08 09:57 pm (UTC)That.
Scrap. He hasn't told her that yet. Well. At least he can try to be cute about it.
"The only thing I can still get drunk on is you," Megatron says, and kisses her. But then, he vents in, and looks down past her eyes.
"I had a problem, Loki, and it got...pretty bad. It got so bad that Scorponok took over the fleet and hurt people, and I had to oust him. I had to get it taken care of. I didn't have time for discussion groups or religious nonsense. They modded my FIM chip, you won't know what that is, but no energon-based intoxicant has any effect on me now, nor ever will again."
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From:warning: this may not be as comforting as you expect it to be ...
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From:Sorry this took forever, went to the dentist today and then I rewrote this a lot
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