"I know you felt that way," she says. "But I...rarely do. I know I am loved, by many, but...I think it's habit. I play tricks, I am a Trickster; some part of me feels I've tricked people into loving me. And I have disappointed those who wanted to believe in me more than I would like."
Her words are halting and awkward. This is a struggle to admit, and a struggle to put into words.
"I try not to measure my worth by others' standards. I know that even for the best of us, that's a fool's errand. But even a god has a beating heart."
She closes her eyes and smiles at the stroking. "I will work on all of that," she promises. "Yule is coming. I think perhaps a holiday activity would be a good way for the children to meet you. Though I will have duties at night-time, between the Solstice and the sixth of January."
"You may at some point in time disappoint some minor expectation of mine. You are not perfect and neither am I. And I may at some time disappoint some expectation of yours. We may even find ourselves arguing, perhaps even loudly." Megatron sighs. "But it will not stop me believing in you, nor do I think it will stop you believing in me, my love. It will not stop us loving each other. It will just be a...what do they call it? A 'teachable moment'?"
Megatron takes her hand and lifts her fingertips to his lips. "I have no heart, but I have a spark, and it knows you are mine and I'm yours. And I suppose I'll have to visit you during the afternoon if I wish to see you on any of those days, unless there's something I can do to help you with your duties. You should tell me what's expected on the holiday anyway. I don't know anything of your holidays."
He smiles. "Come up and kiss me? I don't think you're seeing a whole lot of stars with your face on my chest, and I've not seen anything like a whale in the sky--is it not the right season? Anyhow...I'm trying right now to figure out what I might have in my subspace, or within easy reach, that I could give to the children. I feel one gift deserves another. But also, I want to kiss you."
"Would you believe that's something one of my children had to point out to me?" Loki's voice is soft. "That love does not stop--even temporarily--when you've angered or disappointed your loved one? 'We still want you when you're not perfect' is what he said. I'm so grateful to him, to all of them, for that lesson."
If she had never tried to love these children, she might never have recognized all the places where she herself was lacking.
She sits up and leans over him for a kiss, closing her eyes to savor the touch. "We celebrate the turn of the seasons," she says when the kiss breaks, though she keeps her face close to his and peppers other kisses against his cheek. "Natural cycles. Winter is the time of darkness, and the wall between the worlds of the living and the dead is thin. We share and rejoice in defiance of destruction a hair's-breadth away, at Yule. We burn lights in the darkest hour of the year. And then, when those lights are extinguished, we honor the very forces that threaten us, because there is no light without darkness."
"Last year, the children and I led a procession around the Plaza with the Mari Lwyd, and I know they will want to do that again. It's playful, though the Mari Lwyd is itself a frightening sort of puppet--a skeletal horse with ribbons and a shroud. But the children like the singing and giving out sweets."
"That's for the daytime, though. At night, I will lead the spirits of the dead of Asgard in the Wild Hunt. That's far more serious, and I'm not sure whether it would be better for you to avoid it or not."
"I can absolutely believe that your children had to teach you that." Megatron smiles at her with all the tenderness he has in him, because he also has an idea why that is, and of course that's how it went. Of course.
"If you were perfect, dulscintara, you wouldn't want me. I don't want you to be perfect. I know we'll get angry with each other. Terminus and I used to have screaming debates about my pacifist ideals and the realities of revolution, and if it had been allowed and he had lived, he'd have been my conjunx endura. Sometimes I laugh thinking of how he got the last word on that without meaning to. Ravage once told me in a fit of rage that she'd bite me if I ever tried to lay hands on her again, and while our relationship is and always has been a mess, she is my amica still. I don't think I could ever fight with you like that, especially not around newsparks, because we're better people than we once were...but because of those fights, I am sure that we'll survive the inevitable disappointments and arguments. And I might be disappointed by something you've done, but never by you yourself, because I cannot be and do not want a perfect lover."
He laughs softly as she kisses him over and over while talking, returning a few of them. "We have celebrations like that, for the seasons, and for those who've passed out of our reach. Not for a long time, but they're probably doing them again now on Cybertron. We had rites for newsparks, but they haven't been doing a whole lot of those. The procession, we don't have anything like that, but we also don't have children in any sort of numbers anymore. As for the Wild Hunt, you tell me. Will it call me to do things I would regret, or will it show me what the violence that I never wanted is actually for? And is there anyone else who expects to be there, who would not want me there, at least not yet?"
He wants to kiss her again, but he doesn't. They're not done talking yet, and he wants to have her, too, but that will keep until the talking's done, because apparently she's not like Ravage, who is like him, and sometimes has to be sated before she can listen.
She loves this, every moment, every kiss, every reassurance. Some day, maybe it will all sink in and make her a better person, but if not, she will be loved nonetheless. That is the true promise of the words Agnarr gave her, and the ones Megatron echoes now. Blessed are the failures, because they can pick themselves up and try once again.
She would revel in just that, the tenderness, the kissing, but it's important that she explain what the procession and the Hunt are--to her and to her children. And so she pets lightly along his cheek and shoulders, gathering words before beginning:
"It may be hard for you to understand, because so much of it has its roots in the mortal, human people of the Earth. Centuries ago, Asgardians came and went on the world as we chose. Some of us were worshiped as gods--and you could argue that belief changed us, or you could argue that we shaped that belief, and either way you would be both right and wrong. But some of our ethos has always been shared with the people we interacted with."
"Winter is a time of waiting, of breath held to see what the world will do next. It means deprivation and death for the unprepared, and for those who brace for it best, it means a clean slate, awaiting a rebirth. An understanding of that is important, even to those more impervious than most to the danger of the cold."
"Now...the Mari Lwyd is a story, among others humans tell, of a supernatural horse that heralds the season. In this particular tradition, Mari Lwyd was a divine horse, the mother of sacred foals--in a way, that is not unlike one of the stories of my exploits, though that tale was never literally true in my case. But it's close, close enough that I can claim a part of it."
"Mari Lwyd, as the folktale goes, was heavy with foal but was thrown out of the birthing stable in preference for a human mother, a different Mary, carrying the prophesied child of a different creed. An old religion cast out, in favor of a newer one."
"The debate between one belief system and another is of no interest to me. I simply don't care anymore, who worships who and how many. But the idea of the outcast, the mother still carrying unborn young and desperate for the security and glory that was taken from her--you can see, I think, why I'm fascinated. She goes door to door in the winter now, seeking warmth, and food, and welcome, but if she is allowed within, she will take what she wants, without mercy, as none was afforded to her."
She sits up a little to sing the next few words, a low, melancholy tune in a sweet, clear voice:
"And now I am Nightmare, I am rattling womb, The Uffington Wraith I've become, Forced into darkness, you've made me a fiend, Bridled with shadow, saddled with scream. From window to window, traversing the night, My face in your glass in a shudder of light, Seeking the deep of welcome befitting a Queen, Let me in once again, let me in!"
Loki threads her fingers through Megatron's; her energies are rising as she talks about this; it's something she feels strongly about, evidently, but those energies are not reaching out to him. She has control. "In the procession, I will carry the horse's head, and hide beneath the shroud, and the children will lead me door to door, singing carols. Because it's only a reminder, and not the Nightmare Herself, we will play chase with the inhabitants of any home that lets us in, and leave them nuts and fruit and candy. I'm not about teaching my children to actually terrorize mortals, but it's important for all of us, mortal or not, to remember that we create our own monsters."
There's a momentary pause, and then she adds, "Ben thought he might ride with the Hunt this year. I'll...explain that, as well, but I think I've been talking a lot just now."
"Cybertronians do not give live birth, but if we did, that would be a Decepticon story," says Megatron thoughtfully. "Deny the desperate at your peril, for when they fight for what they need, they will take whatever they want."
He blinks his optics slowly at her, a gesture he learned from Ravage and would probably be mortified to realise he's doing.
"We rewrote one of the old political songs about the beneficence of our government during a riot. The song was about how the government provided for us all. Our song was about how the government provided for itself by stealing from the rest of us, and started by entreating them to keep their promises, but ended by threatening to tear the walls down and take whatever we liked."
Megatron sighs. "These are important lessons for children to learn. Not to steal from and terrorise mortals, but that when people who think themselves better than everyone else deny others the very things that they need to survive, the vengeance will not be pretty.
"I may have taken the Autobrand, but I'm not sure I don't regret it right now. At heart, I am still a follower of the philosophy that came from me. I'm just not fit to lead those people anymore."
He shakes his head. "If you tell the 'cons what you are doing they may join in as well," he says with a wry smile.
"We're truly well matched. You and I, but also myself and the Decepticon ethos, in many ways. I know you are not formally a part of that any longer, but the ideas seem to have begun largely with you. I hear you in them, and not just because you're the one explaining most of them to me."
It doesn't occur to her that that slow-blink is feline body language, but the softness and affection of it registers, and she leans to kiss the bridge of his nose. "Does the Auto...whatever...belief system suit you so ill? Perhaps there are elements of it that you may take to heart, and discard the ones that mean less to you."
"If you take what you wish, ideas are available for the taking, as well." There's humor in her smile.
She looks thoughtful, then. "I could have the children draw pictures to share with other Nexus residents, to explain the story a little better. Coming from me, it's more easily accepted as a spooky prank than a serious message."
"It doesn't matter so much how people will interpret the Wild Hunt, though. It is what it is. It's the march of the Dead, and those that join in willingly had best be prepared to honor the spirits of that accompany it. But it isn't solely about death, either. There is an element of mysticism inherent in it. Óðr is the word we used to describe religious frenzy, divine ecstasy, or artistic inspiration."
"I don't know if you have that same concept in your culture. The Fire in the Head."
Megatron grins when she kisses his nose, and then kisses her, but lightly.
"I joined the Autobots in a moment of crisis, because I couldn't think of a better way to express the pain I was in over the death of someone I initially disliked and came to consider a friend, and the pain I was in over what I knew people had done in my name and my cause," he admits.
"It was in no way a philosophical decision, and I am also unsure that my feelings for Orion had nothing to do with it. I don't know if I regret it or not. It ended the war, but I completely betrayed my people. My ideals have not really changed much at all. I had come to believe that the Autobots had adopted some of our ideals and were living them better than we were. I don't think that's true anymore. I think that they were influenced by our ideals, because Orion was once a Decepticon, but Orion became a Prime. I thought I'd done the right thing for a very long time. But Ravage came to live with me and was treated badly, and Minimus has spent his entire life hiding something that no one should ever have to hide, and he is the most devoted Autobot I know, and the better I come to know him, the more unimpressed with their Code I become."
He considers the procession and the Hunt. "I don't know if we have that concept, or not, either. But I wonder. I do have fire in my head, sometimes, and it might not cause me so much trouble if I knew what to do with it. And I'm not just talking about mania. It's related to the mania. If I can't figure out what the fire in my head is telling me what to do, it builds up and becomes the mania. But sometimes, I've come out of the fire, and done things that had to be done, with a certainty that I couldn't explain. We are a materialistic culture, with the exception of the Camiens and a few other lost colonies, in which priesthood and spirituality and anything that could rightly be called magical is the provenance of the elites and is used for their benefit alone. I used to think magic and religion were only tools to manipulate people--like Soundwave does. I'm not so sure any more."
He grins at her. "I think if I learned to do magic, there is no telling what we would be able to do, together. As for the procession. It depends. If you just want it to be fun for the children, that's fine. If you want to share the story and the ideals with other people, that's fine, too. But the Decepticons would want to know why you were knocking on their doors to prank them, and some of them might join in, if we told them."
"It sounds to me," she says thoughtfully, "like you have outgrown both of these codes, in much the same way that I have outgrown being Asgardian and being Jotun. There is more to be learned from both Asgard and Jotunheim, but neither realm can truly claim me any longer. I will always protect the people of Asgard, as long as I live, but I am not truly of them."
"The way you moved on from the Decepticons may have been impulsive or ill-considered," she adds gently. "But maybe it was right for you, even if it hurt others. That is a question only you can answer, I expect, but I'll always listen if you want to talk about it."
"As far as the Autobots, though, any place where a person must perpetually hide their true self is not a good place." So says Loki.
She strokes his face and cups her hand under his chin. "You are a poet. That Fire is your birthright. It belongs to anyone who dares to reach out and claim it, though sometimes the journey to reach it can be perilous."
"Magic and spirituality are the same as education. Keep them to the elites and they become tools of brutality, to suppress the masses. Share them with all and do not gate-keep, and they are the greatest of equalizers."
"I've offered to show Runes to Ben. I will do that, and more, for you, if you ask for it, but know that if it works for you, you will be a terrifying force with that power. Your spirit is a fire in your chest. Anything might be possible."
"I had meant to introduce the children to the Decepticons anyway. Perhaps the excuse of explaining the Mari Lwyd is the ideal reason to do so."
"I think you're right on all counts, dulscintara." Megatron kisses her. "And I think that if I claim the fire...I can use it, instead of allowing it to use me. I want to learn everything. And I think I was wrong to leave magic to the Council, and to people like Orion."
He blinks at her again.
"Besides, if I am to be a fit mate to you, I cannot fear my power or yours. I am not afraid of dangerous journeys. I've seen already what comes of resisting them: madness. I may always need circuit stabilisers to alleviate what they did to me when I was probably not old enough to be considered an adult in your culture, even though I had a lover and work and had written dangerous words. But they were afraid of me, and they made me afraid of myself, and I still hurt everyone anyway. I might be able to heal myself, and others, and undo some of the damage I did. A healer was what I wanted to be when I was that angry young mech."
He smiles.
"Yes, take the children to meet the Decepticons. Only know that one of them hates me, and justifiably so, and he's the one with a child of his own, more's the pity. We have an anti-violence field, so I'm not afraid he will kill me. He's Ravage's brother, a white cat, small the way Ravage was small when I named him parvilla. Please don't be angry with him if he does not wish to speak with me. I will say nothing to anger him unless he decides to try and enforce his differences with me upon our-- upon our family, your children and his son."
"It's a little of both," she says. "With that kind of power. Using and...well, being used by it makes it sound coercive, and that's not quite right. Moving through it, and allowing it to move through you, perhaps. There is a kind of pleasure to it, almost akin to the emotional exultation involved in sex, but without the sensual component. It's hard to explain in words, but I think you understand me?"
She smiles. "There is a human song with a lyric I rather like: don't ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash. It is applicable. It's important that a wild creature know what they are capable of, for good and for ill. What you choose to do with the power you have makes you who you are. I do not always have full control, but I'm trying. And so are you."
Tucking herself against his shoulder again, she adds, "I'm not angry with the people who hate me for what I've done. I won't be angry at him on your behalf. I accept who you are and what you have done without condition, but I don't require other people to do the same. They have freedom of thought."
"And I urge you to keep the same in mind, should you meet enemies of mine in the Nexus. The ones with the best reasons for mistrusting me are dead--not by my hand--but I never blamed them for hating me."
"As long as my children are treated with kindness, I will have no complaints."
Megatron listens when she talks about magic, but he doesn't know enough to have much to add of his own.
"My only concern with regard to Glit is that he doesn't come between your children and his, if they want to be friends."
Megatron hugs her close. "I won't be angry with people who are angry with you because of something you did. But you are mine, and I will defend you if you are attacked with intent to do bodily harm, because I need you whole and alive as much as they believe they need you otherwise. Does that sound fair?"
"I hope that he will not. It may be more complicated than it should be, but we will see how things work out if and when they all meet."
She kisses his cheek lazily and stretches, not unlike a cat herself. This place is more comfortable with a person to snuggle against. Sometimes Loki forgets she actually likes company.
"That is fair. I think it's unlikely to come up here, with the antiviolence field active. There are potential conflicts, constantly, but bodily harm seems to be a rare event. There is something else I ought to mention. It may never be an issue at all, but two Winters ago, there were some peculiar goings-on. Ben has probably told you about the Eliksni. They are at peace with me and mine, but I have reason to believe there is a secretive goddess that was somehow involved. One who uses crows as her eyes and ears. I do not know her name, nor am I clear on what her motivations were or are, but should you see talking crows and fall into conversation with them, be wary and assume there is someone who will hear whatever you say later on."
"I don't think she is my enemy, to be clear. Only that there are parallels between us and that could eventually result in conflict."
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dancing_serpent
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-13 03:58 am (UTC)Her words are halting and awkward. This is a struggle to admit, and a struggle to put into words.
"I try not to measure my worth by others' standards. I know that even for the best of us, that's a fool's errand. But even a god has a beating heart."
She closes her eyes and smiles at the stroking. "I will work on all of that," she promises. "Yule is coming. I think perhaps a holiday activity would be a good way for the children to meet you. Though I will have duties at night-time, between the Solstice and the sixth of January."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-13 07:31 am (UTC)Megatron takes her hand and lifts her fingertips to his lips. "I have no heart, but I have a spark, and it knows you are mine and I'm yours. And I suppose I'll have to visit you during the afternoon if I wish to see you on any of those days, unless there's something I can do to help you with your duties. You should tell me what's expected on the holiday anyway. I don't know anything of your holidays."
He smiles. "Come up and kiss me? I don't think you're seeing a whole lot of stars with your face on my chest, and I've not seen anything like a whale in the sky--is it not the right season? Anyhow...I'm trying right now to figure out what I might have in my subspace, or within easy reach, that I could give to the children. I feel one gift deserves another. But also, I want to kiss you."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-13 08:08 pm (UTC)If she had never tried to love these children, she might never have recognized all the places where she herself was lacking.
She sits up and leans over him for a kiss, closing her eyes to savor the touch. "We celebrate the turn of the seasons," she says when the kiss breaks, though she keeps her face close to his and peppers other kisses against his cheek. "Natural cycles. Winter is the time of darkness, and the wall between the worlds of the living and the dead is thin. We share and rejoice in defiance of destruction a hair's-breadth away, at Yule. We burn lights in the darkest hour of the year. And then, when those lights are extinguished, we honor the very forces that threaten us, because there is no light without darkness."
"Last year, the children and I led a procession around the Plaza with the Mari Lwyd, and I know they will want to do that again. It's playful, though the Mari Lwyd is itself a frightening sort of puppet--a skeletal horse with ribbons and a shroud. But the children like the singing and giving out sweets."
"That's for the daytime, though. At night, I will lead the spirits of the dead of Asgard in the Wild Hunt. That's far more serious, and I'm not sure whether it would be better for you to avoid it or not."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-13 10:27 pm (UTC)"If you were perfect, dulscintara, you wouldn't want me. I don't want you to be perfect. I know we'll get angry with each other. Terminus and I used to have screaming debates about my pacifist ideals and the realities of revolution, and if it had been allowed and he had lived, he'd have been my conjunx endura. Sometimes I laugh thinking of how he got the last word on that without meaning to. Ravage once told me in a fit of rage that she'd bite me if I ever tried to lay hands on her again, and while our relationship is and always has been a mess, she is my amica still. I don't think I could ever fight with you like that, especially not around newsparks, because we're better people than we once were...but because of those fights, I am sure that we'll survive the inevitable disappointments and arguments. And I might be disappointed by something you've done, but never by you yourself, because I cannot be and do not want a perfect lover."
He laughs softly as she kisses him over and over while talking, returning a few of them. "We have celebrations like that, for the seasons, and for those who've passed out of our reach. Not for a long time, but they're probably doing them again now on Cybertron. We had rites for newsparks, but they haven't been doing a whole lot of those. The procession, we don't have anything like that, but we also don't have children in any sort of numbers anymore. As for the Wild Hunt, you tell me. Will it call me to do things I would regret, or will it show me what the violence that I never wanted is actually for? And is there anyone else who expects to be there, who would not want me there, at least not yet?"
He wants to kiss her again, but he doesn't. They're not done talking yet, and he wants to have her, too, but that will keep until the talking's done, because apparently she's not like Ravage, who is like him, and sometimes has to be sated before she can listen.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-14 07:09 pm (UTC)She would revel in just that, the tenderness, the kissing, but it's important that she explain what the procession and the Hunt are--to her and to her children. And so she pets lightly along his cheek and shoulders, gathering words before beginning:
"It may be hard for you to understand, because so much of it has its roots in the mortal, human people of the Earth. Centuries ago, Asgardians came and went on the world as we chose. Some of us were worshiped as gods--and you could argue that belief changed us, or you could argue that we shaped that belief, and either way you would be both right and wrong. But some of our ethos has always been shared with the people we interacted with."
"Winter is a time of waiting, of breath held to see what the world will do next. It means deprivation and death for the unprepared, and for those who brace for it best, it means a clean slate, awaiting a rebirth. An understanding of that is important, even to those more impervious than most to the danger of the cold."
"Now...the Mari Lwyd is a story, among others humans tell, of a supernatural horse that heralds the season. In this particular tradition, Mari Lwyd was a divine horse, the mother of sacred foals--in a way, that is not unlike one of the stories of my exploits, though that tale was never literally true in my case. But it's close, close enough that I can claim a part of it."
"Mari Lwyd, as the folktale goes, was heavy with foal but was thrown out of the birthing stable in preference for a human mother, a different Mary, carrying the prophesied child of a different creed. An old religion cast out, in favor of a newer one."
"The debate between one belief system and another is of no interest to me. I simply don't care anymore, who worships who and how many. But the idea of the outcast, the mother still carrying unborn young and desperate for the security and glory that was taken from her--you can see, I think, why I'm fascinated. She goes door to door in the winter now, seeking warmth, and food, and welcome, but if she is allowed within, she will take what she wants, without mercy, as none was afforded to her."
She sits up a little to sing the next few words, a low, melancholy tune in a sweet, clear voice:
"And now I am Nightmare, I am rattling womb,
The Uffington Wraith I've become,
Forced into darkness, you've made me a fiend,
Bridled with shadow, saddled with scream.
From window to window, traversing the night,
My face in your glass in a shudder of light,
Seeking the deep of welcome befitting a Queen,
Let me in once again, let me in!"
Loki threads her fingers through Megatron's; her energies are rising as she talks about this; it's something she feels strongly about, evidently, but those energies are not reaching out to him. She has control. "In the procession, I will carry the horse's head, and hide beneath the shroud, and the children will lead me door to door, singing carols. Because it's only a reminder, and not the Nightmare Herself, we will play chase with the inhabitants of any home that lets us in, and leave them nuts and fruit and candy. I'm not about teaching my children to actually terrorize mortals, but it's important for all of us, mortal or not, to remember that we create our own monsters."
There's a momentary pause, and then she adds, "Ben thought he might ride with the Hunt this year. I'll...explain that, as well, but I think I've been talking a lot just now."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-14 08:06 pm (UTC)He blinks his optics slowly at her, a gesture he learned from Ravage and would probably be mortified to realise he's doing.
"We rewrote one of the old political songs about the beneficence of our government during a riot. The song was about how the government provided for us all. Our song was about how the government provided for itself by stealing from the rest of us, and started by entreating them to keep their promises, but ended by threatening to tear the walls down and take whatever we liked."
Megatron sighs. "These are important lessons for children to learn. Not to steal from and terrorise mortals, but that when people who think themselves better than everyone else deny others the very things that they need to survive, the vengeance will not be pretty.
"I may have taken the Autobrand, but I'm not sure I don't regret it right now. At heart, I am still a follower of the philosophy that came from me. I'm just not fit to lead those people anymore."
He shakes his head. "If you tell the 'cons what you are doing they may join in as well," he says with a wry smile.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-16 12:07 am (UTC)It doesn't occur to her that that slow-blink is feline body language, but the softness and affection of it registers, and she leans to kiss the bridge of his nose. "Does the Auto...whatever...belief system suit you so ill? Perhaps there are elements of it that you may take to heart, and discard the ones that mean less to you."
"If you take what you wish, ideas are available for the taking, as well." There's humor in her smile.
She looks thoughtful, then. "I could have the children draw pictures to share with other Nexus residents, to explain the story a little better. Coming from me, it's more easily accepted as a spooky prank than a serious message."
"It doesn't matter so much how people will interpret the Wild Hunt, though. It is what it is. It's the march of the Dead, and those that join in willingly had best be prepared to honor the spirits of that accompany it. But it isn't solely about death, either. There is an element of mysticism inherent in it. Óðr is the word we used to describe religious frenzy, divine ecstasy, or artistic inspiration."
"I don't know if you have that same concept in your culture. The Fire in the Head."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-16 02:20 am (UTC)"I joined the Autobots in a moment of crisis, because I couldn't think of a better way to express the pain I was in over the death of someone I initially disliked and came to consider a friend, and the pain I was in over what I knew people had done in my name and my cause," he admits.
"It was in no way a philosophical decision, and I am also unsure that my feelings for Orion had nothing to do with it. I don't know if I regret it or not. It ended the war, but I completely betrayed my people. My ideals have not really changed much at all. I had come to believe that the Autobots had adopted some of our ideals and were living them better than we were. I don't think that's true anymore. I think that they were influenced by our ideals, because Orion was once a Decepticon, but Orion became a Prime. I thought I'd done the right thing for a very long time. But Ravage came to live with me and was treated badly, and Minimus has spent his entire life hiding something that no one should ever have to hide, and he is the most devoted Autobot I know, and the better I come to know him, the more unimpressed with their Code I become."
He considers the procession and the Hunt. "I don't know if we have that concept, or not, either. But I wonder. I do have fire in my head, sometimes, and it might not cause me so much trouble if I knew what to do with it. And I'm not just talking about mania. It's related to the mania. If I can't figure out what the fire in my head is telling me what to do, it builds up and becomes the mania. But sometimes, I've come out of the fire, and done things that had to be done, with a certainty that I couldn't explain. We are a materialistic culture, with the exception of the Camiens and a few other lost colonies, in which priesthood and spirituality and anything that could rightly be called magical is the provenance of the elites and is used for their benefit alone. I used to think magic and religion were only tools to manipulate people--like Soundwave does. I'm not so sure any more."
He grins at her. "I think if I learned to do magic, there is no telling what we would be able to do, together. As for the procession. It depends. If you just want it to be fun for the children, that's fine. If you want to share the story and the ideals with other people, that's fine, too. But the Decepticons would want to know why you were knocking on their doors to prank them, and some of them might join in, if we told them."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-16 04:24 pm (UTC)"The way you moved on from the Decepticons may have been impulsive or ill-considered," she adds gently. "But maybe it was right for you, even if it hurt others. That is a question only you can answer, I expect, but I'll always listen if you want to talk about it."
"As far as the Autobots, though, any place where a person must perpetually hide their true self is not a good place." So says Loki.
She strokes his face and cups her hand under his chin. "You are a poet. That Fire is your birthright. It belongs to anyone who dares to reach out and claim it, though sometimes the journey to reach it can be perilous."
"Magic and spirituality are the same as education. Keep them to the elites and they become tools of brutality, to suppress the masses. Share them with all and do not gate-keep, and they are the greatest of equalizers."
"I've offered to show Runes to Ben. I will do that, and more, for you, if you ask for it, but know that if it works for you, you will be a terrifying force with that power. Your spirit is a fire in your chest. Anything might be possible."
"I had meant to introduce the children to the Decepticons anyway. Perhaps the excuse of explaining the Mari Lwyd is the ideal reason to do so."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-16 05:12 pm (UTC)He blinks at her again.
"Besides, if I am to be a fit mate to you, I cannot fear my power or yours. I am not afraid of dangerous journeys. I've seen already what comes of resisting them: madness. I may always need circuit stabilisers to alleviate what they did to me when I was probably not old enough to be considered an adult in your culture, even though I had a lover and work and had written dangerous words. But they were afraid of me, and they made me afraid of myself, and I still hurt everyone anyway. I might be able to heal myself, and others, and undo some of the damage I did. A healer was what I wanted to be when I was that angry young mech."
He smiles.
"Yes, take the children to meet the Decepticons. Only know that one of them hates me, and justifiably so, and he's the one with a child of his own, more's the pity. We have an anti-violence field, so I'm not afraid he will kill me. He's Ravage's brother, a white cat, small the way Ravage was small when I named him parvilla. Please don't be angry with him if he does not wish to speak with me. I will say nothing to anger him unless he decides to try and enforce his differences with me upon our-- upon our family, your children and his son."
Oh he did not just almost say that.
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-20 02:52 am (UTC)She smiles. "There is a human song with a lyric I rather like: don't ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash. It is applicable. It's important that a wild creature know what they are capable of, for good and for ill. What you choose to do with the power you have makes you who you are. I do not always have full control, but I'm trying. And so are you."
Tucking herself against his shoulder again, she adds, "I'm not angry with the people who hate me for what I've done. I won't be angry at him on your behalf. I accept who you are and what you have done without condition, but I don't require other people to do the same. They have freedom of thought."
"And I urge you to keep the same in mind, should you meet enemies of mine in the Nexus. The ones with the best reasons for mistrusting me are dead--not by my hand--but I never blamed them for hating me."
"As long as my children are treated with kindness, I will have no complaints."
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-20 05:58 am (UTC)"My only concern with regard to Glit is that he doesn't come between your children and his, if they want to be friends."
Megatron hugs her close. "I won't be angry with people who are angry with you because of something you did. But you are mine, and I will defend you if you are attacked with intent to do bodily harm, because I need you whole and alive as much as they believe they need you otherwise. Does that sound fair?"
(no subject)
Date: 2020-12-20 05:04 pm (UTC)She kisses his cheek lazily and stretches, not unlike a cat herself. This place is more comfortable with a person to snuggle against. Sometimes Loki forgets she actually likes company.
"That is fair. I think it's unlikely to come up here, with the antiviolence field active. There are potential conflicts, constantly, but bodily harm seems to be a rare event. There is something else I ought to mention. It may never be an issue at all, but two Winters ago, there were some peculiar goings-on. Ben has probably told you about the Eliksni. They are at peace with me and mine, but I have reason to believe there is a secretive goddess that was somehow involved. One who uses crows as her eyes and ears. I do not know her name, nor am I clear on what her motivations were or are, but should you see talking crows and fall into conversation with them, be wary and assume there is someone who will hear whatever you say later on."
"I don't think she is my enemy, to be clear. Only that there are parallels between us and that could eventually result in conflict."