I'm not afraid of being seduced. If it weren't such a terrible idea in terms of emotional entanglements, I would venture to say I'd be interested in being seduced, but I can think of two or three reasons off the top of my head that that would be problematic, and I'm sure you can name a few dozen I've not thought of.
The trouble is, I'm as awkward with close friendships as I am with lovers, if not more so.
You all give so freely, so emotionally. I may always struggle to wrap my mind around that, and while I'm rationally aware that affection is not transactional, my heart often fails to comprehend what my brain understands. I don't think there is anything that will make me cease fearing that I will break what I have, except time and reassurance.
[And if Ravage were face to face with him right now, the expression on Loki's face at that last reassurance would speak volumes of blended bewilderment and hope. It's a shame text is such a cold medium. But there's a long pause, again, and then:]
I'd like to switch to audiovisual, if that's all right. I mean I don't want to catch you undressed, or using the fuel recycler, or...anything else embarrassing. Let me know?
But yes. I love you, not the way Megatron does, but as part of my concordia. You are conjunx to my amica, amiconara, and though I distrusted the relationship at first, because he went straight from suicidal depression to saying he'd met the love of his life, you are good to him, and you care for him, and I care for him, and we care for each other, and we have shared secrets.
What is love but not that? Do you think I tell everyone I meet these things? You came to us as his lover, asking to be our friend. That is an honourable request, and we chose to grant it, and since we like you, we have opened up to you and shared our truth with you. There are few things in life that are sure or safe, but those who do not take calculated risks gain very little. Megatron chose you, and we chose you both once again, but this time as equals and not as his subjects.
[Another momentary pause, as Loki rereads the messages several times, and then he enables the video feed on his PINpoint.]
Yes. Or if you want to visit, I am free for the moment.
[If Ravage accepts the audio-video feeds, he'll see Loki is outdoors at the moment, dressed quite lightly in a linen tunic despite how cold the night around him looks. He's actually sitting on the swingset he's put up for the children, swaying lazily on a tire swing. The lights of the Plaza glitter in the distance off to his right.
He looks sheepish and shy.]
Like I said, I'm even worse at parsing friendships than I am with lovers. And family is the most difficult of all.
The video flickers on, and then Ravage nods, and activates the coordinates; the catlike mech leaps down out of the shadows and walks over to the swingset. "Will the swings even hold me?" He sits down on the ground.
"Soundwave knows where I am. He may join us. I suggest less parsing and more acceptance, if that's possible."
Loki eyes the swings, then Ravage, and gives a little shake of his head. "I doubt it. They're rated for up to 700 pounds, but I'm not even sure your frame would fit in the seats."
"Something to work on for later, perhaps. A bench swing strong enough to hold Megatron, perhaps..."
He's going to have to work on that, as well as places for Harley and for Megatron, and possibly a studio for Ian so he doesn't feel left out...
"It's in my nature to overthink, I'm afraid," Loki says with a little shake of his head. "I can only try. Soundwave is welcome here, as well."
"Do you want me to ask him over, or do you want to talk about the thing I'm going to tell him tomorrow in private? I'm fine with either." Ravage smiles. "You and Megatron in a bench swing together would be adorable. But you'd have to find a way to balance his mass, or have him sit exactly in the middle, with someone else on the other side."
There's a sort of golden shimmer around him, there then gone. Like a wave from a very recent acquaintance, who's decided she'd like to be friends, but has places to be.
"I want...to be with a friend, and feel safe," Loki admits softly. "To that end, either of the above would be all right. I at least feel as though I can offer you some advice about the matters of ritual and divinity."
And that golden shimmer is strangely reassuring.
He snorts at the comment about balancing Megatron's mass, though. "Hello, I'm still a shapeshifter," he points out. "Matching his mass is something I'm consciously working on, but I'm trying to build up to it slowly so it doesn't hurt. He wouldn't thank me for injuring myself."
"Alternatively, I could just have him sit in the center and then myself in his lap."
Ravage pads over to Loki on four feet and lies down by the swing, putting her head on Loki's knee very gently.
"None of us wants you to injure yourself. Why do you feel unsafe?" She looks up at him with wide red optics. "If it's because of Soundwave and Megatron...you know Megatron loves you more than anything, right? And Soundwave loves Megatron, but I'm his spark mate. If you don't want them to do it you should tell them, because I think they really want to. It's okay if you're not okay with it yet."
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dancing_serpent
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-17 08:18 pm (UTC)The trouble is, I'm as awkward with close friendships as I am with lovers, if not more so.
You all give so freely, so emotionally. I may always struggle to wrap my mind around that, and while I'm rationally aware that affection is not transactional, my heart often fails to comprehend what my brain understands. I don't think there is anything that will make me cease fearing that I will break what I have, except time and reassurance.
[And if Ravage were face to face with him right now, the expression on Loki's face at that last reassurance would speak volumes of blended bewilderment and hope. It's a shame text is such a cold medium. But there's a long pause, again, and then:]
You love me?
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-18 06:45 pm (UTC)But yes. I love you, not the way Megatron does, but as part of my concordia. You are conjunx to my amica, amiconara, and though I distrusted the relationship at first, because he went straight from suicidal depression to saying he'd met the love of his life, you are good to him, and you care for him, and I care for him, and we care for each other, and we have shared secrets.
What is love but not that? Do you think I tell everyone I meet these things? You came to us as his lover, asking to be our friend. That is an honourable request, and we chose to grant it, and since we like you, we have opened up to you and shared our truth with you. There are few things in life that are sure or safe, but those who do not take calculated risks gain very little. Megatron chose you, and we chose you both once again, but this time as equals and not as his subjects.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-19 09:03 pm (UTC)Yes. Or if you want to visit, I am free for the moment.
[If Ravage accepts the audio-video feeds, he'll see Loki is outdoors at the moment, dressed quite lightly in a linen tunic despite how cold the night around him looks. He's actually sitting on the swingset he's put up for the children, swaying lazily on a tire swing. The lights of the Plaza glitter in the distance off to his right.
He looks sheepish and shy.]
Like I said, I'm even worse at parsing friendships than I am with lovers. And family is the most difficult of all.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-20 11:39 pm (UTC)"Soundwave knows where I am. He may join us. I suggest less parsing and more acceptance, if that's possible."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-27 10:41 pm (UTC)"Something to work on for later, perhaps. A bench swing strong enough to hold Megatron, perhaps..."
He's going to have to work on that, as well as places for Harley and for Megatron, and possibly a studio for Ian so he doesn't feel left out...
"It's in my nature to overthink, I'm afraid," Loki says with a little shake of his head. "I can only try. Soundwave is welcome here, as well."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-28 03:32 pm (UTC)There's a sort of golden shimmer around him, there then gone. Like a wave from a very recent acquaintance, who's decided she'd like to be friends, but has places to be.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-28 05:52 pm (UTC)And that golden shimmer is strangely reassuring.
He snorts at the comment about balancing Megatron's mass, though. "Hello, I'm still a shapeshifter," he points out. "Matching his mass is something I'm consciously working on, but I'm trying to build up to it slowly so it doesn't hurt. He wouldn't thank me for injuring myself."
"Alternatively, I could just have him sit in the center and then myself in his lap."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-30 12:19 am (UTC)"None of us wants you to injure yourself. Why do you feel unsafe?" She looks up at him with wide red optics. "If it's because of Soundwave and Megatron...you know Megatron loves you more than anything, right? And Soundwave loves Megatron, but I'm his spark mate. If you don't want them to do it you should tell them, because I think they really want to. It's okay if you're not okay with it yet."