Inbox (Caldera)

[coldsong]

"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Attack while they are distracted.

Kindly leave a message."

Comments

[coldsong]

I like how this has turned from idle speculation to the start of a crustacean biker gang. Is it just the two of us or shall we invite others to partake? I'm reasonably sure Lulu would be willing to provide the music if nothing else.

What you're saying about inner monologue, though--that begs the question of whether we could break the podcast with too much chaotic information. That might actually be interesting. Just a half hour of someone screaming about things on fire interspersed with adverts for Bombas socks and Hello Fresh food delivery.

I feel like you'd get more mileage out of Cate Blanchett but Alan Rickman is a delight, maybe he could substitute for us both on days when the ladies want a vacation.

Mentally speaking, I already have a tiny version of myself second-guessing my every move. I don't see how a physical version would be any different, except inasmuch as I could force him to dress in doll clothes for my amusement.

[soldforless]

Are we a crustacean biker gang or assassins? Maybe both. I definitely think we could find one or two others, but we're the leaders.

Honestly, I think that podcast would be a hit. “Episode 37: The Gas Leak Special. We deep-fry a tarot deck and review it.” Chaos sells.

I support Blanchett for gravitas and Rickman for flair. If we ever do a holiday episode, we'll bring in Morgan Freeman for maximum confusion. “Why is God narrating this bit about crab armor?” Exactly.

And I maintain that if my tiny double insists on heckling me, the least he can do is wear a little hat. Possibly a monocle. He can live in a teacup and hiss at guests like an extremely judgmental gremlin. I’m not asking for much.
And yes, it's a he. Or maybe it's hard to tell. Whatever.

[coldsong]

I don't think we can be assassins without some measure of stealth and subtlety, which we've already flung out the window.

Hm, I want to be King Crab. That's my new porn name.

I think a teacup might be a little too whimsical for my double. I'd put them in a little terrarium wrapped with chains, with a sign that says He Bites.

[soldforless]

True. If we were stealthy, no one would see the leather jackets. Or the crab gauntlets. Or the slow sideways approach accompanied by our own bass-heavy theme song. What's the point of being terrifying if you can't make an entrance?

King Crab and the Duchess of Snap. That’s our duo name now. No notes.

The terrarium stays, but I’ve decided it should also have dramatic uplighting and maybe one of those tiny haunted house doors he can slam when he gets mad. Emotional support menace.