Control (Ship of Nails: Part 1)

[coldsong]

In the days after Harley’s ordeal with the Joker, Loki is hard to live with. He was terrified of losing her, of course, and he’s given up trying to pretend otherwise. But that is an emotion so big and overwhelming he can’t cope with it on top of everything else in his head. The past pushes aside the present and the potential of the future, love crushed beneath the weight of something dark and sickly.
There was a wound in his mind still, from what Thanos did to him. He’s known that all along, known it was festering, and there were times he tried to express that, but for the most part, he failed.



Maybe he didn’t want to succeed. Maybe he wanted to keep suffering, somewhere deep down. He doesn’t believe in atonement or penance or forgiveness, but he does believe in vengeance.

Now the frail scab of functional behavior he’s built over the wound has broken, been split and torn away, and all the necrosis, corruption, infection it held back, has spilled free. It’s drowning him. He wants to hurt and be hurt again and again and again...

He pays Mrs. Hedgeworthy extra to stay overnight. He’s afraid to be alone with the children.

He’s afraid to be alone with the children.

Brushing out Sigrid’s hair before bedtime, he’s always so delicate, untangling elf-knots without pulling, and she trust him utterly, but when he looks into the mirror of her vanity, her face is going grey, eyes bulging, mouth gaping; her hair is tangled around her throat and he’s pulling it tight, tighter, tighter, grinning a slasher smile as she struggles--

No, no, no! He springs up and backs away so wildly he falls over one of her shoes left behind on the floor.

“Loki??” She’s fine. She is untouched, he was hallucinating, but now she looks horrified by his unexplained panic. “Loki, what’s wrong?”

Mrs. Hedgeworthy appears in the doorway in a fuzzy yellow bathrobe with a duckling print all over it. Her eyes are sharp as she looks him over. He feels like prey, pinned down, seen through. He feels like a predator, ready to spring and snap and break necks. It’s too much. His stomach heaves and he has to cover his face with both hands, fighting back the need to vomit.

For a moment he’s not there, ears ringing, vision gone, and when he becomes aware of the room around him again, Sigrid and Agnarr are both there, with Mrs. Hedgeworthy, all standing around him with wide, frightened eyes.

“...call Thor,” Sigrid is saying, words rapid-fire, anxious. “Or maybe Kelly's dad, or Harley but she’s sick, or the other Loki, the one with the bar--”

“No!” He grits out. “No. Not now. Nighttime. Call in the morning.” He gulps air, pulls himself back together so forcibly his teeth rattle. “Mrs. Hedgeworthy, if you would please get the children ready for bed, I--th-think I will take a bath.”

As if water could wash him clean of the Black Order.

He rises, shaking head to toe but able to walk the few steps down the hall to the bathroom. He closes the door, locks it, turns the water on in the shower as high and hard as it will run, then puts his back to the wall and curls up in the smallest knot he can.

He’s not sure how long he stays there, insensate. Eventually he becomes aware his back is against the full-length mirror on the bathroom wall, and he turns his head to look at himself, fearful of what he’ll find.

Did you think you could quiet me forever? The figure in the mirror asks softly. Ivory skin, inky hair, green and gold armor, it regards Loki with a mocking smile, peering from beneath a twin-horned helmet. But his eyes-his eyes are very, very blue. Scepter-blue.

There’s no point talking to a hallucinatory vision of himself. Loki doesn’t bother. Just stares into the glowing cyan of his reflection’s eyes and waits to hear what it wants. After a long moment, its confidence wavers; its smile fades.

Say something! it snarls at last, frustrated.

“Something,” he answers. And then, “Go away.”

It’s just like himself to want to have a moment, here, he thinks. Give a grandiose speech about the inescapability of one’s dark nature, utter a breathless ode to the Mind Stone, perhaps. The only voice from the dark that ever truly understood him.

(The Mind Stone's voice in his head was always female, exquisitely soft and sweet, a music he could not ignore or deny. It's all right, Loki, my sweet little Loki--nothing matters. Freedom is life's great lie.

But he is the god of lies, and that is the only thing that saved him.)

But maybe Loki is learning from Thor. He’s not willing to play along. He lies where he is, dull eyed, watching his doppelganger, his anti-conscience. No protestations that this is not him, that he’s changed. Just: “Go away. Leave the children alone.”

Oh. Your children should remain untouched, it says. How many did you slay with the Order? How many deaths have you held a candle to?

He knows the answer, or at least a rough estimate, but he won’t give himself the satisfaction of saying it.

Your greed for peace and comfort will tear apart the people you purport to love. And after they are dead and gone, you will forget them. You have no heart. You only have me. Get used to it.

He doesn’t think that’s true, but he can’t muster the strength to argue. Remembering Thor throwing objects through his illusionary bodies, he gives a quiet grunt, lifts his hand, and touches it to the mirror’s surface. The steam collecting there from the hot shower suddenly starts to condense, coalesce, slithers between the glass and the silver backing, and the whole thing cracks and shatters, cascading down upon him in a glimmering shower.

A few seconds later, Mrs. Hedgeworthy is pounding on the door. He doesn’t feel like answering.

She’ll probably call someone.

He doesn’t care.


((OOC: Musical Inspiration))

Comments

[coldsong]

Loki genuinely wasn't expecting a vehement response from Thor. Perhaps the things that have actually hurt his brother and the things Loki assumes have hurt his brother are not one and the same. From his perspective, he offered to help him as soon as he could, and withdrew when Thor refused to listen. As far as reselling him into servitude, well, Loki has always been willing to do whatever must be done as a means to an end, and was relatively convinced Thor would die fighting Hela, let alone Thanos, therefore betraying him was saving his life. Was it solid logic? Maybe sort of. Was it manipulative and morally questionable? Absolutely. It was Loki.

From Thor's perspective, he realizes suddenly, he threw him under the bus repeatedly, as he has done so often in the past.

Clearly they have a lot to hash out here, still; Loki thought that work was mostly done, the more fool he, and the flicker of anger in Thor's voice prompts a flash of bewilderment across his face, tinged with fear, not unlike the look he had when they fought on the transport on the way to Svartalfheim.

The fear fades when Thor touches his face, although the confusion lingers. He manages a faint laugh at the joke, aware that's what it is, although he's not sure even now the Hulk is all that funny. "No, I didn't know it was him until he stepped out into the arena," he says. "But I admit I did enjoy it a little."

"Ancient," he says to Ian, curling his fingers around his carefully. "Ageless, unkillable, evil twin. You're definitely the good twin. I wouldn't let the Grandmaster anywhere near my children."

"Thor, I think you'll find Ian is a better man than I am. Maybe just as abrasive, but better." He gives his brother a smile just weak and shaky enough to suggest it's in part an apology.

[malcolmeffect]

Ian nods to Thor's warning. He's out of his league talking about infinite beings. He's only human, and until recently hadn't met anything beyond mortal. The comment that he is the good twin does get a laugh from Ian due to his reputation in his own realm.

He's still sorting through the information he's getting from the two. It is fragmented with so much shared history that it is hard to get any connection between comments. What little he knows of their past, He can imagine that some of the darkness Loki faces is related to this being. Both of them, despite differing opinions neither speaks of anything positive.

His hand tightens on Loki's as his fingers curl. Then the self-deprecating, snorting laugh comes. "Uh.. setting the bar low?"

Ian's not serious, and is honestly flattered to be called a good man. He can't remember anyone ever stringing those words together to describe him, and mean it.

[pirateangelbaby]

The anger is short-lived, at least, a flash of lightning that is there for a moment and gone the next. Whatever happened, whatever Loki did or could've done, there's nothing that can be done to change any of it. If only Loki did not have such terrible timing when it comes to revealing such things, sometimes.

There's concern and a sort of fond, brotherly exasperation in Thor's eye when he looks down at his brother, and shakes his head slightly when he sees that confusion still lingering in Loki's gaze. As far as unexpected revelations go, this one is perhaps one of the easiest for Thor to dismiss. "Reminds me of the first time I fought a bilgesnipe. Do you remember?" He turns slightly toward Ian, now, as if telling the story for his benefit, as if he did not need to worry that Loki may genuinely not recall the incident. "They're these huge, brutish beasts, kind of a pest on Vanaheim. They'll trample your crops and half the village without even knowing you're there. We were... six hundred or so, I think?" He glances to Loki as if asking for him to confirm the tale, but really watching to see if this is one of the memories his brother can trust. It seems foolish perhaps to protect Loki's pride at this stage, but the least he can do is afford his brother some of his dignity in the face of this catastrophic meltdown. A safe harbor of sorts, sheltered in his older brother's tales of more innocent days.

"Anyway, we heard there was a particularly ornery bull terrorizing a farm and I got it into my head that we should go hunt it to save the fields, be a hero, that sort of thing. It wasn't too hard to follow its tracks, but when we found it, it wasn't very happy to see us. I tried charging it head-on and it flung me into a pond with its antlers. Lost my sword, took me several minutes to swim back to shore. By then it'd chased Loki up a tree, and I had to resort to throwing rocks to get its attention, only to realize I had no weapon. If not for so many trees in the way I don't think I would've been able to outrun it long enough to hide. Got out of it with a broken arm and bruised pride on my part, plus Father was furious."

[coldsong]

Loki's weak smile softens into something more genuine as he looks up at Ian, amused by the self-deprecation. "Remember who you're talking to, friend. I can only set the bar as high as I can reach, myself."

He looks back to Thor and calms at the shake of his head. No, there is definitely more to be discussed here, and Thor may have misunderstood Loki's comment, but he's right. This isn't the best time for either of them to go in-depth with respect to past injuries.

For a moment, Loki is caught between delighted laughter at the memory being recounted and worry that the idea of battling dangerous beasts will tread too hard on Ian's traumas. Perhaps it will help that Thor hasn't described them as scaly? His hand squeezes the man's gently, thumb stroking across his knuckles.

"I remember," he tells Thor, "but clearly you have forgotten some details, including why I ended up in that tree in the first place. My idea was to trap it, which would have been easy enough either in a pit or by getting its antlers tangled in the trees. I was sure the thing must have been in a late musth, so I figured we could lure it with the right scent. I bought half a waterskin of female bilgesnipe urine from a hunter, and I was looking for a place we could lure and trap it, but you had to go and charge it like the great oaf you were, as soon as we spotted it."

"And then," he looks at Ian, "he goes and gets himself dropped into the pond while I have the bilgesnipe scent more or less in my pocket, so of course the damn thing comes right for me. It did not want to fling me anywhere, I can promise you that. Thank the Norns I'm a good climber."

"So, here I am clinging to a tree limb with a bottle of bilgesnipe piss in my pocket, and that is the time Thor decides to use ranged weaponry rather than rushing in like normal. I should have just thrown the waterskin at him."

[malcolmeffect]

Loki is right to worry, though Ian is able to keep a poker face as the subject comes up. Though, it's when the topic of being thrown comes up that the fingers holding on to Loki's hand tremble and the human's palms start to sweat.

He listens to the story with interest but it does bring up too many memories. They keep bringing up being thrown and he starts to shift, the weight of his leg brace becoming uncomfortable as thoughts of the Rex return, Grant's stories about the kids in the tree. It's enough that Ian has to stare pointed and focused on Loki's face to keep panic down. Obviously, they didn't suffer the same effects from the encounter.

He does laugh at the image of some raging deer-like thing; Ian is imagining something like the cross between a moose and a bison at this point; treeing Loki over a pocket full of urine. Even so the laugh is nervous, revealing the discomfort. Another laugh comes but more to dispel his anxiety than to be humorous. "I've.. uh been thrown. I don't recommend it."

[pirateangelbaby]

The way that Thor tells the tale is like an amusing anecdote, something you might've even laughed about at the time, rather than something traumatic or frightening. For a few moments, he even gets caught up in both the telling and in hearing Loki's rebuttal, some of the tension still holding tight around his heart loosening at hearing that this is one story of misadventure that his brother remembers quite clearly.

"It's not my fault it saw us so soon," he says with a deliberately casual shrug, knowing full well that it actually was, tromping through the brush in the beast's wake. But he'd been impatient and eager for glory, and utterly overconfident that brute force would be enough to take down the creature without tricking it into a trap. But then he'd been the only one actually injured by his misstep, so clearly he fairly paid the price for his error, right?

But something about it is clearly bothering Ian, though Thor cannot even begin to guess at why. He doesn't notice at first, too focused on Loki's reaction to see it, an old fear creeping up quietly until suddenly it's there and has been all along. The human is handling it pretty well, whatever it is, though Thor can't help but feel a little guilty for causing it in the first place. However that happened. Thor has learned the hard way that sometimes fear can spring forth from the most innocent of sensations, and he wishes that on no one.

Perhaps the aftermath might not be so bad? "I had to muck out the royal stables for half a year," he laments, but lightly so.

[coldsong]

Loki holds Ian's hand firmly through the tale, stroking the backs of his fingers. Calling a halt would, he assumes, make for an awkward moment for Thor and probably not help the backsliding into darkness for Ian, and so he doesn't interrupt the flow of the telling. Just remains attentive and prepared to interrupt if it becomes dire.

It's also, in its way, a pleasant memory for him. He was furious at the time, but Thor was the one who got more severely punished for it, so Loki got over it quickly. Now it just seems hilarious, boyhood antics worth remembering.

"Mother had me tending the garden for the same length of time, as I recall," he tells Thor with a smirk. "Spreading what you were shoveling out, to fertilize the plants. I got the better side of that, but I think the message to get our shit together was quite pointed and well-designed."

Hm. There are a lot of scatological elements to this story.

"Mother always said we were difficult children to raise, because you couldn't just tell us not to do something. We both took it as a personal challenge. You had to let us foul up and discover the consequences on our own."

He's still a little shaky, but the reminiscence seems to have him mostly stabilized, enough so that he's watching both their moods now. The whisper of the Mind Stone, or the echo thereof, is quiet now. "No," he says, turning his head toward Ian and meeting his gaze gently. "Being flung about is never fun."

It's almost tolerable when doing 'Get Help', but only because it's Thor doing it, and he gets to complain about it loudly before and after. Upon reflection, that's probably why Thor thought Loki enjoyed it. Because he got to kick up a fuss about it.

"You, of course, were a perfect angel as a child, I suppose," he squeezes Ian's hand softly. "All equations and quiet research."

No, he doesn't truly believe that, but it's an opening. So's this: "But don't tell me Kelly's never gotten herself in a fix. She's a bold little one."

[malcolmeffect]

It takes time for Ian to force his focus away from his own memories and onto the story being told. It's not easy, it never is, but the small offers of comfort help bridge the gap enough to bring his thoughts away from the rex.

Loki does manage to pull a muffled snort of a laugh from Ian. "Ah.. well that is why Kelly likes you so much. She does the same." He gave up telling Kelly not to do things at a very young age and started focusing on only voicing the effect just because of this reason.

However, the talk of his childhood fades any humor he had found. His lips pull tight as he fights the instinct to scowl. Memories of his father were not pleasant despite caring for the man in some odd way. Ian's interests were always at odds with what his father demanded and they rarely got along. He's glad the conversation immediately turned to Kelly. " She's a thinker more than a doer.. uh.. she'll con you out of everything if you aren't careful with your words."

[pirateangelbaby]

Thor is far more focused on Loki than he is on Ian, still quite disturbed by what he's seen thus far but hiding it far better than he was, putting on a front as much for Loki's sake as it is for his own. As Loki calms, so does he, more and more assured that he isn't about to lose his brother to the abyss of memory, though the thread of worry wrapped tight around his heart refuses to fully release.

As his brother's attention turns to the human, though, so does Thor's, at least in part. Now it is his turn to feel uncertain, lacking the shared ground these two have created, grasping what he can from context and guessing at the rest. "Sounds familiar," he says at the last, giving Loki's hand a squeeze.

Children... the thought prompts him to glance towards the door for a moment, hoping that the children aren't too frightened by what happened to Loki. The sound of the television still reaches his ears, quiet though it is, but it would not surprise him if they might not be fully soothed until they see their caretaker well again. But now is not, perhaps, the time to mention it, not when his brother is still gathering himself, still shaken by what he'd thought he'd done.

[coldsong]

"You'd like her, Thor," he says, though his attention is divided, drifting between them. He has a leftover instinct from his youth, to play diplomat, to bring disparate cultural and personal elements into balance. He was good at it, before, capable of sweet-talking angry Vanir, flattering delegations from Alfheim--really, his talent only failed him with the dwarves of Nidavellir, and only once with them. He's acting like a host now, trying to build bridges between his brother and his new romance. Unfortunately, there's only so much energy left in him, and it's bound to collapse before long.

"She was full of questions, when she met me first," he adds. "And a little reckless. I think children should be allowed to be a little reckless. They have families to catch them when they stumble, so they should explore."

His eyes drift closed. "It's all high-stakes after you grow up. No safety net but the one you knit for yourself, and if you do a bad job it just tangles you up when you fall into it."

He's rambling again, but it's not the same kind of panicked attempts to explain himself as before. More like the stream of consciousness coming from someone drifting unwillingly into sleep. "I hope you have children some day, Thor," he murmurs. "Adopted or birthed, doesn't matter. Not now, but maybe in a few decades. And you should have at least one daughter."

[malcolmeffect]

For all of Ian's usual abrasiveness, through arrogance or just personality, he knows when to be diplomatic. The brother of someone close is one such person as far as the chaotician is concerned. With or without Loki's attempts to be the diplomat, Ian was likely to play nice and be on his best, or at least better, behavior.

"Wait until she knows you better." Ian pushes a smile, not too forced, but for his benefit or Loki's, he's not certain. "She has a.. uh.. better chance to be caught thanks to whatever strings you pulled."

He still wasn't sure what the god did to the trial, but the gratitude is clear in his words. "It will be a long time before she is without a safety net."

Ian didn't always feel like living but where Kelly was concerned he'd pull himself through anything, if he could. His eyes finally turn away from Loki to look at Thor, and totally amused. "Kids are great. Anything can and will happen with a kid around."

[pirateangelbaby]

Thor's heart twists in his chest, the same heartsick melancholy that comes with reminders of how he thought his future would be. The throne, his legacy... a queen and heirs, the dynasty of Odin and Bor and Buri held secure in an unbroken line spanning thousands of years. That future is gone now... or worse, it never was, built on lies and secrets. And yet... there still is a future, even if it's not the one he'd thought he'd have. One built openly, learning from the mistakes of the past, a new Asgard beginning with Thor.

He looks to Ian, a total stranger wearing an enemy's face, offering him comfort and wisdom of experience in fatherhood, and does not wonder so much why Loki might have found a bond in him. "I don't doubt it. The trouble that Loki and I got ourselves into, when we were small..."

Thor doesn't know who might one day accept his affections, but he has hope again that there is still time, and Loki's words speak to the part of him that still deeply yearns for as much family as his arms can hold. "I hope so too," he agrees, leaning forward to lightly smooth back his brother's hair again. "Rest now, and dream of that day."

[coldsong]

Ian's unwittingly hit just the right note to ease Loki down a bit further. The reminder that oh, yes, he did do something helpful not that long ago, didn't he? gives him a brief little glow of pride. "It was fun," he says, and smiles drowsily at neither of them, eyes closing.

That little boost, coupled with the thought of pleasantly chaotic children, is enough to settle him at last. "You'll be...a good Allfather," he says to Thor, and then the smile drifts into something more neutral as he turns his attention to resting deliberately, letting himself drift off. He says nothing further, though he slides a little deeper into the bed and shifts to get more comfortable before his breath slows into the rhythm of sleep.

[malcolmeffect]

Thor's comment about their childhood brings a genuine smile to Ian's features. He could only imagine what it would be to be the father of a young Loki. He might even have an edge on Odin for his natural expectancy that chaos was going to happen at ever increasing intensity.

Ian remains still when he sees Loki settling in to sleep. So many people had spent days sitting at his side in similar circumstances. It was probably time he did the same for someone else. Once the quiet comes to his breath Ian looks over to Thor and nods toward Loki.

"I will stay with him, if you want to check on the children." It's an offer and honestly, he's internally scolding himself for tossing his cane aside out in the hall. He's in no mood to hobble out to grab it right now.

[pirateangelbaby]

Oh... even after all this, Loki still knows the right thing to say, somehow. Thor smiles a little, glad both for hearing Loki's faith in him, and to see him finally give in to the rest he so desperately needs. It speaks also of his trust in Ian that Loki is willing to be defenseless in his presence, that he finds either of their presence comfort enough to seek refuge in sleep.

By all the Nine, what a day this has already been.

With Loki asleep at last, the lines of fatigue in his face smoothing out with the slow slide into dreams, Thor sits back and gently lays Loki's hand down at his side. He doesn't want to leave the two of them alone - for his own peace of mind, mostly - but the children deserve to know that everything is all right, and he does seem the more mobile candidate between the two of them. "I'll be back," he says, not without some reluctance.

[malcolmeffect]

Malcolm understands the reluctant tone, whether it is from distrust of a stranger or unwillingness to abandon the side of an ill family member. Ian imagines both are true. It is that feeling that leads him to say more. Things he wasn't exactly comfortable saying but necessary perhaps to keep the calm.

"I can handle it if he wakes." Ian's own reluctance to speak showing. "I've been .. uh.. like this myself."

He motions toward Loki's sleeping for. Sure it wasn't exactly the same but terrors of dinosaurs tearing into the house or paranoia that people were going to try and shoot him had a vaguely similar effect.

[pirateangelbaby]

Were it not for Loki's show of trust, Thor might suspect that Ian wants him out of the way for... whatever reason. Leaving his brother vulnerable does not sit well with him, especially now, after everything that's happened.

But Loki does trust the human. And even though he wears the face of a man that Thor would never trust in a million years, that counts for something.

"I believe you," Thor answers instead, tilting his head slightly. "Watch over him."

He doesn't plan to be gone long, anyway.

[malcolmeffect]

Malcolm nods to the instruction to watch over Loki with a bit of an eye roll. As if he was going to do anything else. However, Ian is exhausted himself and has to resist the urge to just lay down on the bed and sleep too.

The only thing he can do to distract himself is take out a black handkerchief and start wiping away the sweat from Loki's face. It's a distraction. Then he starts fussing like a mother hen to ensure the blankets are well tucked in place for Loki's comfort. He doesn't like seeing him this way, both because he is a companion and selfishly, it reminds Ian of his own incapacitated moments over the past few years.

When he has nothing more to do he settles again at the bedside, sliding further onto the bed so that he can get a little more comfortable with his leg brace. He hates it desperately right now, more than usual.

[pirateangelbaby]

None of the children are asleep, though Eindrid looks the closest to it. It's not an easy thing to soothe their worries, especially Sigrid, but it helps that not all of his assurances are given with false smiles to hide a desperate fear for his brother's sanity. Loki gave him quite the scare, and he will have to grapple with the fallout of that later, but he holds himself together well enough knowing that the worst has passed. Even if only for the moment.

He tells them that Loki is all right, that he is sleeping and will see them in the morning. Not all of them quite believe him, he thinks, perhaps if only because they cannot see it for themselves. But he promises what he can, that Loki will be looked after and that he will be well, and when he has done all he can he wishes them good night and pleasant dreams, and truly hopes that they have both. Though it seems unlikely.

Thor takes care to step lightly on his way back to the bedroom, wary of waking his slumbering brother, who needs the rest so desperately. He stops only to pick up the dropped cane in the hall, out of place and unfamiliar, and assuming it might be Ian's. "How's he doing?" he says in a low voice, slipping back into the room.

[malcolmeffect]

Ian is still holding Loki hand, watching him sleep. He's had so many sit at his side this way over the past year; worried and unwilling to step away. It felt like he should apologize to them now that he was on the other side of the equation.

As upsetting as it was to see Loki in this state it is a relief to worry over someone else rather than have people hovering over him for a change. It's probably a selfish way to think but it gives Ian a measure of resolve to be well enough to watch over someone else.

"He's resting quietly." He whispers when Thor comes in. Ian's eyes come to his cane and he reaches for it awkwardly because he is unwilling to release Loki's hand. "Thank you."

[pirateangelbaby]

Maybe it’s just too soon for any nightmares, or maybe Loki is finally so exhausted that he’ll sleep without them. Thor hopes it’s the latter. He’s endured so much, weathered even Thor’s shattering and slow mending without breaking, and Thor cannot fathom how he’s made it this far. But he’s resting now, and that’s... something, at least.

Thor knows better by now to expect something like this to pass quickly. There is no Asgardian alive who is not forever scarred by all this, forever changed by tragedy and loss and more stress than even a god can cope with.

He takes a seat on the edge of the bed again, just watching his brother breathe, the lines of his face smoothed out in his exhaustion. He wonders if this is how it had felt that night that his brother had taken him in, raw and bleeding from his gravest mistake, so shaken that he can’t even remember much of it beyond a vague haze. Will Loki remember all this, when he wakes? Will he know it was real?

He certainly doesn’t want Loki to be alone when he wakes. But now that it’s only Thor and Ian awake, he turns his attention more fully to the human, his eye traveling over the man and comparing it against his memory of the man he most resembles. This seems a bad time to ask how they met, though, so after a long moment’s consideration, he decides to leave that for later. “Did Mrs. Hedgeworthy call you?”

[malcolmeffect]

Ian spares Thor a glance as he sits on the bed but no more. The other man, as Loki's brother, was expected to be here. Ian briefly imagined that he had more right to be here than Ian did, though that thought came directly from Ian's own issues and struggle with self worth.

Conversation would be welcome, any conversation. Watching what Loki had gone through brought many things to the surface that he just didn't want to think about again. There were too many memories in imagining himself in Loki's position.

"Yes." Ian answers without taking his eyes off Loki's sleeping form. "I think the children might have.. ih told her to call."

He could easily imagine Loki's children thinking of him high on the list of people to help their caretaker.

[pirateangelbaby]

There is a small, absurd, jealous part of Thor that doesn't like having to share this role with someone else, watching over Loki while he's vulnerable. He's not really sure it'd matter who with, but it being this particular stranger bothers him more than it would otherwise, in all likelihood. But the more rational part of him, still holding on because Loki needs him to be, is grateful that he doesn't have to deal with this all on his own either. And that he doesn't have to try to find the words to ask someone for help. Whoever Ian is to Loki, he's an ally here.

He runs his hands through his hair, internally struggling to straighten out his tempestuous feelings over the matter, and makes himself take a few deep breaths. "Good thing," he says steadily, as much to voice it aloud to himself as it is to reply to Ian. "Loki is... he's very important to me. He's all I have left."

It's not really an I will make you pay if you hurt him, but Thor wants to make it clear where they stand, to ensure they're both truly on the same page here. They are strangers to one another, but as long as their goal is the same, that will keep the peace.

[malcolmeffect]

Ian isn't put off by the undercurrent of emotions in Thor's behavior or voice. It is to be expected in this situation, especially since Ian is well aware he is an outsider and everyone else here is family. For once, how he's been treated for most of his life is coming in handy for something other than, and more important than, dealing with people making gloriously bad decisions.

Thor does get a incredulous look for the undercurrent of his comments. It is deserved now that Ian realized he ran.. well hobbled.. headlong into an unknown god to get to Loki's side. The situation requires more finesse than his agitated pride so he offers a nod. "I've watched over him before."

It wasn't like this, usually it was drunk or worried or sad, but the comment still stood that he was there for Loki any time he asked or needed. In truth, they had met and become friends because of Ian's willingness to help Loki without asking for much in return.

[pirateangelbaby]

That gets him a double-take. "Really? When?" It isn't that Thor doesn't believe him, it just isn't what he was expecting to hear. But he's been so caught up in his own head for months, struggling to pull himself back together, that he hadn't even noticed Loki heading for this spectacular collapse. Hadn't really noticed how heavy this burden was weighing on him, not until tonight. Guilt is an old friend by now, but it doesn't make it sit any better with him.

He should've seen it coming anyway.

Yet Loki has always been one to obscure his true feelings, veiled behind whatever image he chooses to present to the world. Round and round the reasons go, and Thor can make no sense of the tangled knots his heart has made of this all.