I think you are part of this. And I am perfectly fine with that. I also think this is a conversation we should all be having together, and probably not via text message. It's a conversation that might go better if we were at least able to look into each other's faces. Personally, I'd prefer to have it in close physical contact with all of you--not in a romantic or sexual way, but in a comforting way.
I think Soundwave and Megatron ought to interface at least once without any funny business, so they can be absolutely clear how they feel about each other. And I said that to Soundwave when he was telling me he had to be a dreadful little tease because he promised me he wouldn't have sex with anyone else. I told him it was ridiculous of him to say they didn't have sex because nobody came and no spikes were touched, and also that I forgave him but I wouldn't if he ever tried that one again. They were in each other's ports. They didn't get into any of the really fun ones, but I don't see how frustrating each other is helpful. It was pure pettiness and I made him own up to it.
I don't consider this a minor disaster. I consider it positive. It would've been a minor disaster if they'd tried to hide it from us. Instead, they told us the truth, and we didn't let them get away with any foolishness.
A lot of this is about their pride. About Soundwave's wounded pride, in particular, and his consciousness of Megatron's pride. I'll feel good about whatever they elect to do once Soundwave finally has set his pride aside and cried his optics dry in Megatron's arms, and Megatron has had to apologise to him for hurting him, not hurting me.
[There's a pause as Loki reads the message, which lengthens as he has to take a break and analyze what's going through his own head. Maybe it's the heightened emotions of the previous conversation, but he feels a gnawing hunger for reassurance settle in his chest. The idea of continuing the conversation in close contact sounds both incredibly appealing and somewhat terrifying. Maybe more than somewhat. In close proximity, there are vulnerabilities that even the god of lies cannot hide.]
That might be acceptable. [Is what he finally sends, while sighing at himself, fully aware it's a stilted and inadequate way to express his thoughts.] A conversation in contact, I mean. Only I suspect it will be a lengthy one, so I would need to set aside time.
[And maybe have a drink beforehand.]
You're right, I suppose. Best not to let either of them get off on a technicality. Or fail to get off on one, as the case seems to be this time around.
I know this is scary; sooner is better than later, but uninterrupted is also better than potentially on call. So I understand that we will all of us have to set time aside. At least we can leave my sister and Esme in charge at the Embassy. Don't be afraid. I'm not trying to seduce you, and Soundwave definitely isn't.
And even though you don't want to control him...
Soundwave and I were forced to go through a procedure long ago that gave him more control over my decisions and actions than either of us wanted, and it took us a very long time to get that reversed. During that time he would often not tell me how he felt about things I was doing out of the fear that confessing his feelings to me would affect my ability to choose whether or not to do them.
This had an absolutely terrible effect on our relationship, because not telling me what he did or didn't like didn't stop him from disliking it and feeling bad about it.
You do not have the ability to control Megatron. He is a free agent. So you need to tell him if you don't like something he's doing, has done, or wants to do. He may decide to do it anyway. You may even have to argue about it. But he's not going to leave you. He's your spark-mate. Your conjunx in all but name. Give him the ability to make an informed decision about things that frighten you and things that upset you, so that you don't put him in the position of repeatedly upsetting you while being told that it's his absolute right to do as he pleases. It is his right. It's also his right to know if there are going to be consequences to his actions, and if you know he's going to make you angry, you should put it into words, because the spark-bond is difficult in that it isn't always clear who's having a painful emotion and it's never necessarily clear why they are having it, without a conversation.
Take my advice, please. I've been in a spark-bond for four million years and it's still very strong, despite the fact that we have both managed to screw up impressively and with great panache. I mean. I got caught fucking Skywarp because he decided to teleport with me and we both got stuck in a damn wall. Do you think I'd have let him attempt that if I'd known it would annoy the slag out of Soundwave?
We're still okay. Everything will be okay as long as you just love each other. I know you're a liar sometimes whether you want to be or not, and we all love you anyway. But please do try to avoid lying through a spark=bond; it always goes badly.
I'm not afraid of being seduced. If it weren't such a terrible idea in terms of emotional entanglements, I would venture to say I'd be interested in being seduced, but I can think of two or three reasons off the top of my head that that would be problematic, and I'm sure you can name a few dozen I've not thought of.
The trouble is, I'm as awkward with close friendships as I am with lovers, if not more so.
You all give so freely, so emotionally. I may always struggle to wrap my mind around that, and while I'm rationally aware that affection is not transactional, my heart often fails to comprehend what my brain understands. I don't think there is anything that will make me cease fearing that I will break what I have, except time and reassurance.
[And if Ravage were face to face with him right now, the expression on Loki's face at that last reassurance would speak volumes of blended bewilderment and hope. It's a shame text is such a cold medium. But there's a long pause, again, and then:]
I'd like to switch to audiovisual, if that's all right. I mean I don't want to catch you undressed, or using the fuel recycler, or...anything else embarrassing. Let me know?
But yes. I love you, not the way Megatron does, but as part of my concordia. You are conjunx to my amica, amiconara, and though I distrusted the relationship at first, because he went straight from suicidal depression to saying he'd met the love of his life, you are good to him, and you care for him, and I care for him, and we care for each other, and we have shared secrets.
What is love but not that? Do you think I tell everyone I meet these things? You came to us as his lover, asking to be our friend. That is an honourable request, and we chose to grant it, and since we like you, we have opened up to you and shared our truth with you. There are few things in life that are sure or safe, but those who do not take calculated risks gain very little. Megatron chose you, and we chose you both once again, but this time as equals and not as his subjects.
[Another momentary pause, as Loki rereads the messages several times, and then he enables the video feed on his PINpoint.]
Yes. Or if you want to visit, I am free for the moment.
[If Ravage accepts the audio-video feeds, he'll see Loki is outdoors at the moment, dressed quite lightly in a linen tunic despite how cold the night around him looks. He's actually sitting on the swingset he's put up for the children, swaying lazily on a tire swing. The lights of the Plaza glitter in the distance off to his right.
He looks sheepish and shy.]
Like I said, I'm even worse at parsing friendships than I am with lovers. And family is the most difficult of all.
The video flickers on, and then Ravage nods, and activates the coordinates; the catlike mech leaps down out of the shadows and walks over to the swingset. "Will the swings even hold me?" He sits down on the ground.
"Soundwave knows where I am. He may join us. I suggest less parsing and more acceptance, if that's possible."
Loki eyes the swings, then Ravage, and gives a little shake of his head. "I doubt it. They're rated for up to 700 pounds, but I'm not even sure your frame would fit in the seats."
"Something to work on for later, perhaps. A bench swing strong enough to hold Megatron, perhaps..."
He's going to have to work on that, as well as places for Harley and for Megatron, and possibly a studio for Ian so he doesn't feel left out...
"It's in my nature to overthink, I'm afraid," Loki says with a little shake of his head. "I can only try. Soundwave is welcome here, as well."
"Do you want me to ask him over, or do you want to talk about the thing I'm going to tell him tomorrow in private? I'm fine with either." Ravage smiles. "You and Megatron in a bench swing together would be adorable. But you'd have to find a way to balance his mass, or have him sit exactly in the middle, with someone else on the other side."
There's a sort of golden shimmer around him, there then gone. Like a wave from a very recent acquaintance, who's decided she'd like to be friends, but has places to be.
"I want...to be with a friend, and feel safe," Loki admits softly. "To that end, either of the above would be all right. I at least feel as though I can offer you some advice about the matters of ritual and divinity."
And that golden shimmer is strangely reassuring.
He snorts at the comment about balancing Megatron's mass, though. "Hello, I'm still a shapeshifter," he points out. "Matching his mass is something I'm consciously working on, but I'm trying to build up to it slowly so it doesn't hurt. He wouldn't thank me for injuring myself."
"Alternatively, I could just have him sit in the center and then myself in his lap."
Ravage pads over to Loki on four feet and lies down by the swing, putting her head on Loki's knee very gently.
"None of us wants you to injure yourself. Why do you feel unsafe?" She looks up at him with wide red optics. "If it's because of Soundwave and Megatron...you know Megatron loves you more than anything, right? And Soundwave loves Megatron, but I'm his spark mate. If you don't want them to do it you should tell them, because I think they really want to. It's okay if you're not okay with it yet."
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dancing_serpent
Re: Ravage
Date: 2021-03-11 01:42 am (UTC)I think Soundwave and Megatron ought to interface at least once without any funny business, so they can be absolutely clear how they feel about each other. And I said that to Soundwave when he was telling me he had to be a dreadful little tease because he promised me he wouldn't have sex with anyone else. I told him it was ridiculous of him to say they didn't have sex because nobody came and no spikes were touched, and also that I forgave him but I wouldn't if he ever tried that one again. They were in each other's ports. They didn't get into any of the really fun ones, but I don't see how frustrating each other is helpful. It was pure pettiness and I made him own up to it.
I don't consider this a minor disaster. I consider it positive. It would've been a minor disaster if they'd tried to hide it from us. Instead, they told us the truth, and we didn't let them get away with any foolishness.
A lot of this is about their pride. About Soundwave's wounded pride, in particular, and his consciousness of Megatron's pride. I'll feel good about whatever they elect to do once Soundwave finally has set his pride aside and cried his optics dry in Megatron's arms, and Megatron has had to apologise to him for hurting him, not hurting me.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-16 09:23 pm (UTC)That might be acceptable. [Is what he finally sends, while sighing at himself, fully aware it's a stilted and inadequate way to express his thoughts.] A conversation in contact, I mean. Only I suspect it will be a lengthy one, so I would need to set aside time.
[And maybe have a drink beforehand.]
You're right, I suppose. Best not to let either of them get off on a technicality. Or fail to get off on one, as the case seems to be this time around.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-17 03:12 pm (UTC)And even though you don't want to control him...
Soundwave and I were forced to go through a procedure long ago that gave him more control over my decisions and actions than either of us wanted, and it took us a very long time to get that reversed. During that time he would often not tell me how he felt about things I was doing out of the fear that confessing his feelings to me would affect my ability to choose whether or not to do them.
This had an absolutely terrible effect on our relationship, because not telling me what he did or didn't like didn't stop him from disliking it and feeling bad about it.
You do not have the ability to control Megatron. He is a free agent. So you need to tell him if you don't like something he's doing, has done, or wants to do. He may decide to do it anyway. You may even have to argue about it. But he's not going to leave you. He's your spark-mate. Your conjunx in all but name. Give him the ability to make an informed decision about things that frighten you and things that upset you, so that you don't put him in the position of repeatedly upsetting you while being told that it's his absolute right to do as he pleases. It is his right. It's also his right to know if there are going to be consequences to his actions, and if you know he's going to make you angry, you should put it into words, because the spark-bond is difficult in that it isn't always clear who's having a painful emotion and it's never necessarily clear why they are having it, without a conversation.
Take my advice, please. I've been in a spark-bond for four million years and it's still very strong, despite the fact that we have both managed to screw up impressively and with great panache. I mean. I got caught fucking Skywarp because he decided to teleport with me and we both got stuck in a damn wall. Do you think I'd have let him attempt that if I'd known it would annoy the slag out of Soundwave?
We're still okay. Everything will be okay as long as you just love each other. I know you're a liar sometimes whether you want to be or not, and we all love you anyway. But please do try to avoid lying through a spark=bond; it always goes badly.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-17 08:18 pm (UTC)The trouble is, I'm as awkward with close friendships as I am with lovers, if not more so.
You all give so freely, so emotionally. I may always struggle to wrap my mind around that, and while I'm rationally aware that affection is not transactional, my heart often fails to comprehend what my brain understands. I don't think there is anything that will make me cease fearing that I will break what I have, except time and reassurance.
[And if Ravage were face to face with him right now, the expression on Loki's face at that last reassurance would speak volumes of blended bewilderment and hope. It's a shame text is such a cold medium. But there's a long pause, again, and then:]
You love me?
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-18 06:45 pm (UTC)But yes. I love you, not the way Megatron does, but as part of my concordia. You are conjunx to my amica, amiconara, and though I distrusted the relationship at first, because he went straight from suicidal depression to saying he'd met the love of his life, you are good to him, and you care for him, and I care for him, and we care for each other, and we have shared secrets.
What is love but not that? Do you think I tell everyone I meet these things? You came to us as his lover, asking to be our friend. That is an honourable request, and we chose to grant it, and since we like you, we have opened up to you and shared our truth with you. There are few things in life that are sure or safe, but those who do not take calculated risks gain very little. Megatron chose you, and we chose you both once again, but this time as equals and not as his subjects.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-19 09:03 pm (UTC)Yes. Or if you want to visit, I am free for the moment.
[If Ravage accepts the audio-video feeds, he'll see Loki is outdoors at the moment, dressed quite lightly in a linen tunic despite how cold the night around him looks. He's actually sitting on the swingset he's put up for the children, swaying lazily on a tire swing. The lights of the Plaza glitter in the distance off to his right.
He looks sheepish and shy.]
Like I said, I'm even worse at parsing friendships than I am with lovers. And family is the most difficult of all.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-20 11:39 pm (UTC)"Soundwave knows where I am. He may join us. I suggest less parsing and more acceptance, if that's possible."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-27 10:41 pm (UTC)"Something to work on for later, perhaps. A bench swing strong enough to hold Megatron, perhaps..."
He's going to have to work on that, as well as places for Harley and for Megatron, and possibly a studio for Ian so he doesn't feel left out...
"It's in my nature to overthink, I'm afraid," Loki says with a little shake of his head. "I can only try. Soundwave is welcome here, as well."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-28 03:32 pm (UTC)There's a sort of golden shimmer around him, there then gone. Like a wave from a very recent acquaintance, who's decided she'd like to be friends, but has places to be.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-28 05:52 pm (UTC)And that golden shimmer is strangely reassuring.
He snorts at the comment about balancing Megatron's mass, though. "Hello, I'm still a shapeshifter," he points out. "Matching his mass is something I'm consciously working on, but I'm trying to build up to it slowly so it doesn't hurt. He wouldn't thank me for injuring myself."
"Alternatively, I could just have him sit in the center and then myself in his lap."
(no subject)
Date: 2021-03-30 12:19 am (UTC)"None of us wants you to injure yourself. Why do you feel unsafe?" She looks up at him with wide red optics. "If it's because of Soundwave and Megatron...you know Megatron loves you more than anything, right? And Soundwave loves Megatron, but I'm his spark mate. If you don't want them to do it you should tell them, because I think they really want to. It's okay if you're not okay with it yet."